I want a passion.
I so admire people who have a passion. My friend Tim loves his job and has known for years that he wants to work in the healthcare field. My Aunt Jean had a passion for psychology and obtained her Masters and Ph.D in the field. She was a college professor, and her passion was evidenced in so many ways--whether it was taming a litter of wild kittens or leading a group of students to help potty-train an entire ward of adult psychiatric patients. Donatello's mom loves to paint; has a studio; takes classes; and devotes a lot of time to perfecting her art. Donatello loves baseball and played in college and continues to play in two leagues.
I have always enjoyed sports, but I never could understand how someone could like a sport so much that they wanted to do it every day for hours. I would go to basketball or tennis camp in the summer, but I couldn't fathom day in and day out of playing the same sport. I guess that's why I stuck with track and cross country in school as the practices were only an hour. Even now when I think about signing up to play in a tennis league, I balk because it requires you to play tennis three days a week.
Rather than passions, I have what would better be described as curiousities I suppose. I'll feel very passionate about something for a day or two (like joining the FBI after watching Silence of the Lambs), but the strong feelings always pass. For example, last year I decided I wanted to write a book. I worked on it a lot for about a month or two, but then my desire passed and I slowly stopped making time for it. While I really enjoyed teaching Spanish to 4th and 5th graders, I couldn't imagine doing it for years like most teachers do.
One article I read said that in discovering your passions, you should examine what you would be willing to do even if it was for free. Hmm. That's not that helpful but as for what I love to do....spending time with my nieces, baking and eating baked goods, exercising (or at least some of the time), being lazy and sleeping, traveling, trying new restaruants, non-surfacey conversations, and listening to people's stories. But I don't consider those my passion. I would think that by 27 years of age I would know what my passion is!
Perhaps I have an unrealistic notion of passion, and it is something that must be cultivated and requires you to force yourself to focus on it? Or maybe I just need some Adderrall like a doctor once suggested. I would love to hear about others' passions....maybe it'll inspire one in me!
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Kudos to my Dad!!
I would like to praise my father for joining the Big Brothers Big Sister program. Dad was just assigned his “little” last week, and they have already hung out three times! I am so impressed (and feeling a little guilty that I haven’t seen my “little” in a few weeks) with my Dad for taking this on and making a huge difference in someone’s life (besides just mine). Dad’s little is a nine year old boy named Randy* (name changed…not sure why, but it can’t hurt.). Here is an excerpt of my Dad’s e-mail to the BBBS coordinator about their first outing together:
“I took Randy to Captain D's but this kid is so starved for one on one attention under the circumstances (two younger siblings) that I believe I could have suggested going for BBQ worm sandwiches and he would have said "sounds great." Likes to talk and has a very healthy inquisitive nature. Think it will be a better than average match. Don't think I will have any problems finding things for us to do as he seems easily pleased. Brought him by house for a few minutes to see my truck and meet "Sancho" (oldest daughter's Chihuahua) that I evidently adopted about 3 years ago.”
What a lucky little boy—I’m so glad that there are people who believe that just a few hours of their time each week can make a difference. It does!
On another note, I can’t believe I’ve never blogged about my father. He’s quite the character. It’s hard to even know what to share about him….Styrofoamology, his cheapness, his Elvis impersonations, the times he’s tried to embarrass me in front of dates, his rants on my use of his home as a storage facility, or the time he made a surprise visit to my boyfriend’s parents home (who had never met him and lived two hours away). Don’t get me wrong—there are wonderful things about him; he is great about dispensing quick practical advice, and I often turn to him to do so. But he could give the creator of the Tightwad Gazette a run for her money. For example, when my sister and I were in elementary school, he would not permit us to order cheeseburgers when we ate at Burger King (Lord forbid someone tried to order “the most expensive thing on the menu”—chicken tenders). My dad explained that adding cheese to the burger was an extra 20 cents for a half slice of cheese. We could get a (cold) full slice of cheese at home for about a dime. Fortunately I didn’t like cheeseburgers back then, but I would always get a good talking to when we visited Captain D’s since I ordered “fish and shrimp” but refused to eat the nasty coleslaw and fries. “Fish and shrimp,” for those of you who don’t know, was the “most expensive thing on the menu.” I wonder if Randy gets to order whatever he wants?
Have you ever wondered who buys used shoes? Now you know.
My Dad’s thriftiness met a new extreme in my mind the day I saw him “saving” the ice I poured out in the sink. “What are you doing with my ice?” I asked. “Oh just rinsing it off before I use it” replied Dad. “There’s no sense in wasting perfectly good ice.”
You’ll probably be surprised based on what I’ve told you to learn that my father has a Jacuzzi. Or at least that’s what he told my then-boyfriend Zack* who came to Calhoun to meet the family. My Dad met us in the driveway, and I tried to start things out on a good note by telling Dad that Zack was Presbyterian. My Dad liked that a lot and proceeded to give Zack a tour of his home, which ended on the deck. My Dad pointed to an empty bathtub (with claw legs) in the back yard and explained that it would fill with water when it rained. Then the sun would heat the water, and he had his very own Jacuzzi.
Oh dear Dad, with all of this thriftiness I can’t imagine what my inheritance will look like. I already know that it includes a sound sense of living within my means and saving, loving a good deal, not letting others’ judgment pressure me into buying things I don’t need or want, and a fairly thick skin when it comes to feeling embarrassed.
*Name changed…not sure why, but it can’t hurt.
Question: should I capitalize dad when referring to my Dad?
“I took Randy to Captain D's but this kid is so starved for one on one attention under the circumstances (two younger siblings) that I believe I could have suggested going for BBQ worm sandwiches and he would have said "sounds great." Likes to talk and has a very healthy inquisitive nature. Think it will be a better than average match. Don't think I will have any problems finding things for us to do as he seems easily pleased. Brought him by house for a few minutes to see my truck and meet "Sancho" (oldest daughter's Chihuahua) that I evidently adopted about 3 years ago.”
What a lucky little boy—I’m so glad that there are people who believe that just a few hours of their time each week can make a difference. It does!
On another note, I can’t believe I’ve never blogged about my father. He’s quite the character. It’s hard to even know what to share about him….Styrofoamology, his cheapness, his Elvis impersonations, the times he’s tried to embarrass me in front of dates, his rants on my use of his home as a storage facility, or the time he made a surprise visit to my boyfriend’s parents home (who had never met him and lived two hours away). Don’t get me wrong—there are wonderful things about him; he is great about dispensing quick practical advice, and I often turn to him to do so. But he could give the creator of the Tightwad Gazette a run for her money. For example, when my sister and I were in elementary school, he would not permit us to order cheeseburgers when we ate at Burger King (Lord forbid someone tried to order “the most expensive thing on the menu”—chicken tenders). My dad explained that adding cheese to the burger was an extra 20 cents for a half slice of cheese. We could get a (cold) full slice of cheese at home for about a dime. Fortunately I didn’t like cheeseburgers back then, but I would always get a good talking to when we visited Captain D’s since I ordered “fish and shrimp” but refused to eat the nasty coleslaw and fries. “Fish and shrimp,” for those of you who don’t know, was the “most expensive thing on the menu.” I wonder if Randy gets to order whatever he wants?
Have you ever wondered who buys used shoes? Now you know.
My Dad’s thriftiness met a new extreme in my mind the day I saw him “saving” the ice I poured out in the sink. “What are you doing with my ice?” I asked. “Oh just rinsing it off before I use it” replied Dad. “There’s no sense in wasting perfectly good ice.”
You’ll probably be surprised based on what I’ve told you to learn that my father has a Jacuzzi. Or at least that’s what he told my then-boyfriend Zack* who came to Calhoun to meet the family. My Dad met us in the driveway, and I tried to start things out on a good note by telling Dad that Zack was Presbyterian. My Dad liked that a lot and proceeded to give Zack a tour of his home, which ended on the deck. My Dad pointed to an empty bathtub (with claw legs) in the back yard and explained that it would fill with water when it rained. Then the sun would heat the water, and he had his very own Jacuzzi.
Oh dear Dad, with all of this thriftiness I can’t imagine what my inheritance will look like. I already know that it includes a sound sense of living within my means and saving, loving a good deal, not letting others’ judgment pressure me into buying things I don’t need or want, and a fairly thick skin when it comes to feeling embarrassed.
*Name changed…not sure why, but it can’t hurt.
Question: should I capitalize dad when referring to my Dad?
Monday, May 22, 2006
The Best Prescription...
Lately I’ve been bothered by the fact that 65% of Americans are overweight or obese. I understand that weight is a very personal issue, but the reason this issue has probably been on my mind is also a personal one--the rising cost of health care. My newest health care “insurance” has a deductible of $2000. No co-pays. No nothing until I spend $2000 out of pocket. So when I had to have a minor procedure done in February I paid $650. That is, of course, difficult to budget for, and I cannot imagine how hard it must be for the secretaries I work with, especially the ones who have to reach a family deductible of $4000 before our “insurance” pays a penny. I've seen the numbers, and my employer isn't just being stingy. Our premiums, which my employer pays, increased 63% in one year.
I’m sure this figure can be debated, but I recently read that obesity has attributed to more than 27% of the increase in health care costs from 1987 to 2001. The average obese patient incurs 37% more expenses than a non-obese patient. That’s not difficult to believe since the number of people with Type II diabetes is increasing at alarming rates. Not to mention the many other health ailments come hand in hand with being overweight.
Insofar as adults are concerned, what’s going on? Why do people think they can eat whatever they want? Where did anyone get the notion that eating fast food every day was a good idea (you wouldn’t believe how many Americans eat fast food multiple times a week)? Or that you could eat Mexican for lunch, Burger King for dinner, and not gain weight? Don’t get me wrong—I do not profess to eat a perfect diet by anyone’s imagination. In fact, I’m constantly struggling to add vegetables and fruit into my diet and figure out when to fit in a workout. But if I gain some weight (like the 15 pounds I gained while living in Spain), I cut back and exercise more. And granted, our culture makes it more difficult than not to eat the way we know we should.
Perhaps I have the wrong view of this, but it seems like Americans are just completely abdicating personal responsibility. People want to blame industries rather than themselves. It’s not McDonalds fault. And it’s no one’s fault but our own when we take the elevator rather than the stairs. Or drive through a parking lot three times in an effort to get a spot just a little closer to the store entrance. Or order dessert or appetizer when we know we shouldn’t. Or choose to watch American Idol instead of going for a walk. And now we’re paying the price. What is it going to take for Americans to wake up and see the crisis? I’m not talking about having perfect bodies; I’m talking about the very real health concerns of a nation with 65% of its population being overweight or obese.
The most disturbing part of this epidemic is the effect on children. I only recently realized this, but my little in the Big Brother Big Sister program only has physical education class once a week. She’s in fourth grade; she’s also already struggling mightily with her weight. I also recently learned that soft drinks are sold during school hours at many schools. And my niece who is in kindergarten has the option of buying ice cream several days a week. Nachos are offered as an entrée is school cafeterias, and when I was in school we could choose to have pizza every single day. And accordingly, obesity in children has tripled in the last three decades. We are setting our nation’s youth up to have horrible habits and face very real health concerns at increasingly young ages. That’s reprehensible.
Why do you guys think this is? Why do you think despite our the health consequences and costs not to mention our culture’s enormous (and unhealthy) focus on appearance doesn’t spur Americans to eat less and exercise more? Is it a bigger problem than that? Is it just because we want to do what we want (whether it’s eating, having sex, driving drunk, etc.) and pretend there aren’t any consequences? Is our country just less disciplined as a whole than other nations? I know that we eat more processed and fast food, which makes it hard to maintain a healthy weight. The diet and exercise industry is a million, if not billion, dollar industry, so Americans are at least giving it a half-hearted try, but are we just not willing to go without everything that we want in the moment?
I wish that all Americans would give exercising just a one month trial-offer try--five days a week for forty minutes. If people would stick with it, imagine the amazing difference we would see. It’s the best prescription. Studies show that regular exercise often has the same benefits as an anti-depressant. It can prevent diabetes and other weight-related ailments. Employees who exercise regularly miss less work and are more productive. And I think people who exercise feel better about themselves. I wish it were as easy as taking a pill so that everyone would try it--if nothing else just so my health care cost wouldn’t be so insane.
I’m sure this figure can be debated, but I recently read that obesity has attributed to more than 27% of the increase in health care costs from 1987 to 2001. The average obese patient incurs 37% more expenses than a non-obese patient. That’s not difficult to believe since the number of people with Type II diabetes is increasing at alarming rates. Not to mention the many other health ailments come hand in hand with being overweight.
Insofar as adults are concerned, what’s going on? Why do people think they can eat whatever they want? Where did anyone get the notion that eating fast food every day was a good idea (you wouldn’t believe how many Americans eat fast food multiple times a week)? Or that you could eat Mexican for lunch, Burger King for dinner, and not gain weight? Don’t get me wrong—I do not profess to eat a perfect diet by anyone’s imagination. In fact, I’m constantly struggling to add vegetables and fruit into my diet and figure out when to fit in a workout. But if I gain some weight (like the 15 pounds I gained while living in Spain), I cut back and exercise more. And granted, our culture makes it more difficult than not to eat the way we know we should.
Perhaps I have the wrong view of this, but it seems like Americans are just completely abdicating personal responsibility. People want to blame industries rather than themselves. It’s not McDonalds fault. And it’s no one’s fault but our own when we take the elevator rather than the stairs. Or drive through a parking lot three times in an effort to get a spot just a little closer to the store entrance. Or order dessert or appetizer when we know we shouldn’t. Or choose to watch American Idol instead of going for a walk. And now we’re paying the price. What is it going to take for Americans to wake up and see the crisis? I’m not talking about having perfect bodies; I’m talking about the very real health concerns of a nation with 65% of its population being overweight or obese.
The most disturbing part of this epidemic is the effect on children. I only recently realized this, but my little in the Big Brother Big Sister program only has physical education class once a week. She’s in fourth grade; she’s also already struggling mightily with her weight. I also recently learned that soft drinks are sold during school hours at many schools. And my niece who is in kindergarten has the option of buying ice cream several days a week. Nachos are offered as an entrée is school cafeterias, and when I was in school we could choose to have pizza every single day. And accordingly, obesity in children has tripled in the last three decades. We are setting our nation’s youth up to have horrible habits and face very real health concerns at increasingly young ages. That’s reprehensible.
Why do you guys think this is? Why do you think despite our the health consequences and costs not to mention our culture’s enormous (and unhealthy) focus on appearance doesn’t spur Americans to eat less and exercise more? Is it a bigger problem than that? Is it just because we want to do what we want (whether it’s eating, having sex, driving drunk, etc.) and pretend there aren’t any consequences? Is our country just less disciplined as a whole than other nations? I know that we eat more processed and fast food, which makes it hard to maintain a healthy weight. The diet and exercise industry is a million, if not billion, dollar industry, so Americans are at least giving it a half-hearted try, but are we just not willing to go without everything that we want in the moment?
I wish that all Americans would give exercising just a one month trial-offer try--five days a week for forty minutes. If people would stick with it, imagine the amazing difference we would see. It’s the best prescription. Studies show that regular exercise often has the same benefits as an anti-depressant. It can prevent diabetes and other weight-related ailments. Employees who exercise regularly miss less work and are more productive. And I think people who exercise feel better about themselves. I wish it were as easy as taking a pill so that everyone would try it--if nothing else just so my health care cost wouldn’t be so insane.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Your Last Relationship.....
Failure? Or success? Was your last relationship either? Could it have been both? And if it ends, is it necessarily a failure?
I had always felt as if the ending of each relationship, particularly my engagement, was a failure. I suppose I have defined a successful relationship as one that lasts forever. About a year ago my friend Ryan mentioned an article in GQ magazine in which a celebrity discussed how he could not understand why his marriage, which is apparently coming to an end, is viewed as a failure (said celebrity is now playing house with Angelina Jolie). The actor said something to the effect that he rejected the idea that a relationship not being flawless or permanent renders it a failure--despite the beauty and honesty of the time two people had together.
I do not think that a marriage that ends in divorce as being successful. By its very definition, I think marriage is something that should last as long as the two who entered it live (with the exception of the Biblical exceptions—but even given those, you would not define that ending marriage as successful). I am, however, wondering if a dating relationship can be a success even if ultimately the two daters are not meant to have a permanent relationship. Prior to attempting to surrender my dating relationships to God (the first 26 years of my life), I would have voted that any relationship that doesn't make it "fails." Or at least it felt like failure (except for the ones in which I didn’t really care about the other person…I know—that’s sad).
Now I can see how a dating relationship could not result in marriage but still be a success. So what I'm thinking about now is why my view has changed. Off the top of my head, I think part of it is that I’m focusing more on what God wants (His plan) than my plan, which has often been based on what seems easiest or other faulty criteria. I also think that the way in which most of us date—“playing house” and practically living together (if not completely living together) and acting as if we’re married (basing all important decisions and social plans on the relationship) from a very early stage of the relationship is bound to lead to disappointment and feelings of failure. Even if you’re not having sex, if you’re together more days than not and spending the night together, you’re playing house and making it very difficult to let someone go if the relationship isn’t in God’s plan. Why not save some things for marriage?
So perhaps a successful dating relationship is one in which both people strive to treat the other as God instructs us to in the Bible and both have a respect for the other and for God that helps them set boundaries so that if the relationship ends, it feels less like divorce or failure or enormous disappointment and more like a relationship that honored and glorified God rather than our selfish desires for companionship, intimacy, and the like.
I had always felt as if the ending of each relationship, particularly my engagement, was a failure. I suppose I have defined a successful relationship as one that lasts forever. About a year ago my friend Ryan mentioned an article in GQ magazine in which a celebrity discussed how he could not understand why his marriage, which is apparently coming to an end, is viewed as a failure (said celebrity is now playing house with Angelina Jolie). The actor said something to the effect that he rejected the idea that a relationship not being flawless or permanent renders it a failure--despite the beauty and honesty of the time two people had together.
I do not think that a marriage that ends in divorce as being successful. By its very definition, I think marriage is something that should last as long as the two who entered it live (with the exception of the Biblical exceptions—but even given those, you would not define that ending marriage as successful). I am, however, wondering if a dating relationship can be a success even if ultimately the two daters are not meant to have a permanent relationship. Prior to attempting to surrender my dating relationships to God (the first 26 years of my life), I would have voted that any relationship that doesn't make it "fails." Or at least it felt like failure (except for the ones in which I didn’t really care about the other person…I know—that’s sad).
Now I can see how a dating relationship could not result in marriage but still be a success. So what I'm thinking about now is why my view has changed. Off the top of my head, I think part of it is that I’m focusing more on what God wants (His plan) than my plan, which has often been based on what seems easiest or other faulty criteria. I also think that the way in which most of us date—“playing house” and practically living together (if not completely living together) and acting as if we’re married (basing all important decisions and social plans on the relationship) from a very early stage of the relationship is bound to lead to disappointment and feelings of failure. Even if you’re not having sex, if you’re together more days than not and spending the night together, you’re playing house and making it very difficult to let someone go if the relationship isn’t in God’s plan. Why not save some things for marriage?
So perhaps a successful dating relationship is one in which both people strive to treat the other as God instructs us to in the Bible and both have a respect for the other and for God that helps them set boundaries so that if the relationship ends, it feels less like divorce or failure or enormous disappointment and more like a relationship that honored and glorified God rather than our selfish desires for companionship, intimacy, and the like.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
I Think Too Much…And Vote for Arranged Marriages
I really do. I’m terrible about over-analyzing and over-thinking things. The latest area in which my mind has been in overdrive has been my relationship with Donatello. And as usual, I just wish God would send me an e-mail telling me exactly what my future holds and/or what I should be doing or not doing. I am sad to say that God doesn’t use the Internet (the whole omniscient thing kind of defeats the purpose) and therefore such e-mail has not been forthcoming.
I know….I’m supposed to pray, read God’s word, and seek counsel from my Godly friends. And I’m doing that, although I’ll admit that I’m still not good at this “quiet time” thing my Christian friends talk about nor have I tried to be “still.” Focusing is definitely a weak point for me. And historically I have needed really huge, glaringly obvious signs to end relationships—like someone cheating on me or standing me up on my birthday. Fortunately Donatello is not the kind of person who would do either. And yes, I am learning from all of these relationships, and I’m very happy to say that I am a better person for knowing Donatello. Donatello has encouraged me in so many positive ways and has helped keep me accountable for reading the Bible daily and tithing. He’s also the first person I’ve ever attempted to date in a way that would glorify God. And it’s not been easy or a complete success, but it’s hard for me to imagine many guys (especially normal ones) being as committed to this endeavor as Donatello has been. What a blessing!
Anyway, I kind of wish that we could be spared the process of dating. I’ve spent entirely too much of my life doing it (probably in part because I was not seeking relationships that glorified God). I know that He uses these experiences to teach us, develop our character, and draw us to Him, but sometimes I still wish that I could just not date until He sent me the photo and resume of the One, assuring me that he was the One from the beginning—like an arranged marriage but explicitly arranged by God. OR he could just give me an off switch for my brain, so I could quit overanalyzing. Or I could learn to submit my worries to God instead of holding on to them and mulling over them. Hmm…now there’s a thought.
I know….I’m supposed to pray, read God’s word, and seek counsel from my Godly friends. And I’m doing that, although I’ll admit that I’m still not good at this “quiet time” thing my Christian friends talk about nor have I tried to be “still.” Focusing is definitely a weak point for me. And historically I have needed really huge, glaringly obvious signs to end relationships—like someone cheating on me or standing me up on my birthday. Fortunately Donatello is not the kind of person who would do either. And yes, I am learning from all of these relationships, and I’m very happy to say that I am a better person for knowing Donatello. Donatello has encouraged me in so many positive ways and has helped keep me accountable for reading the Bible daily and tithing. He’s also the first person I’ve ever attempted to date in a way that would glorify God. And it’s not been easy or a complete success, but it’s hard for me to imagine many guys (especially normal ones) being as committed to this endeavor as Donatello has been. What a blessing!
Anyway, I kind of wish that we could be spared the process of dating. I’ve spent entirely too much of my life doing it (probably in part because I was not seeking relationships that glorified God). I know that He uses these experiences to teach us, develop our character, and draw us to Him, but sometimes I still wish that I could just not date until He sent me the photo and resume of the One, assuring me that he was the One from the beginning—like an arranged marriage but explicitly arranged by God. OR he could just give me an off switch for my brain, so I could quit overanalyzing. Or I could learn to submit my worries to God instead of holding on to them and mulling over them. Hmm…now there’s a thought.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Dixieland Delight…where the name of my blog comes from….
One has to become increasingly creative to find unused names for her e-mail accounts, blogs, and profile names (on match, jdate, hdate, and the like). My first several choices for my blog name were already taken, so part of a fantastic song came to mind and voila www.chubbyoldgroundhog.blogspot.com came to be. I am constantly surprised by the people who have never heard of this song and/or do not recognize my blog name.
"Rollin’ down a backwoods Tennessee byway, one arm on the wheel,holdin’ my Lover with the other: a sweet, soft, southern thrill. Worked hard all week; got a little jingle on a Tennessee Saturday night. Couldn’t feel better: I’m together with my Dixieland delight.
Chorus:
Spend my dollar; parked in a holler ’neath the mountain moonlight; hold her Uptight; make a little lovin’, a little turtle dovin’ on a Mason Dixon night. Fits my life, oh, so right: my Dixieland delight.
Whitetail buck deer munchin’ on clover, redtail hawk settin’ on a limb, a chubby old groundhog, croakin’ bullfrog, free as the feelin’ in the wind. Home grown country girl gonna give me a whirl on a Tennessee Saturday night. Lucky as a seven livin’ in heaven with my Dixieland delight."
This is one of Alabama’s hits, and this song is especially fun on a Saturday night around 2 a.m. at Hole in the Wall in Buckhead. If you’ve never heard this song, send me your address and I’ll send you a copy because that is a “crying shame!”
On a slightly related note, I do not think I could date someone who could not appreciate this song. It’s just fun and simple and happy and always makes me smile. And I appreciate that. I’d love to know who is and is not familiar with this song….
"Rollin’ down a backwoods Tennessee byway, one arm on the wheel,holdin’ my Lover with the other: a sweet, soft, southern thrill. Worked hard all week; got a little jingle on a Tennessee Saturday night. Couldn’t feel better: I’m together with my Dixieland delight.
Chorus:
Spend my dollar; parked in a holler ’neath the mountain moonlight; hold her Uptight; make a little lovin’, a little turtle dovin’ on a Mason Dixon night. Fits my life, oh, so right: my Dixieland delight.
Whitetail buck deer munchin’ on clover, redtail hawk settin’ on a limb, a chubby old groundhog, croakin’ bullfrog, free as the feelin’ in the wind. Home grown country girl gonna give me a whirl on a Tennessee Saturday night. Lucky as a seven livin’ in heaven with my Dixieland delight."
This is one of Alabama’s hits, and this song is especially fun on a Saturday night around 2 a.m. at Hole in the Wall in Buckhead. If you’ve never heard this song, send me your address and I’ll send you a copy because that is a “crying shame!”
On a slightly related note, I do not think I could date someone who could not appreciate this song. It’s just fun and simple and happy and always makes me smile. And I appreciate that. I’d love to know who is and is not familiar with this song….
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Marriage, MySpace, & the Ethical Dilemmas Posed by the Web
My latest random message on MySpace was entitled “Two Questions” and the body contained the following:
1) do you like married men?
2) are you available?
Yes, I am in the Macon area.
Hmm. Sounds like a real winner. Sure, this guy is clearly doing the wrong thing. I, of course, will not respond.
I think MySpace is super cheesy (especially all the MySpace editing), but as a result of MySpace, I’m having lunch with one of my best friends from high school this weekend; I haven’t seen or talked to her in over five years and she lives in Utah. That’s fun.
Initially when I joined MySpace, I just assumed it was something used by single people under 30. In fact, I felt a bit ridiculous joining it and Facebook. But as I’ve played around on MySpace, I’ve come to find that there are lots of married people who participate. And some are obviously looking to cheat on their spouses. What interests me is the blurry area. For example, is it wrong for a married man to send messages to a woman he doesn’t know and will never meet?
I recently faced a moral dilemma myself. Although I ultimately handled it in what I think was the right way, I’m not sure that initially I did so. Here is a brief summary of events: I dated a guy (we’ll call him Brian) for about four and half years when I was in high school and college. We haven’t seen each other since around January of 1998, and the last time we talked was about six years ago.
Fast forward to the present: Brian googled me, finding my work e-mail address. I was very excited to hear from him and wrote him back. He is happily married and is now a father! I have loved hearing about how successful he is and how things have really come together for him. I also wanted to share with him the ways my life has changed—especially why my life has changed since he and I were both agnostic when we dated.
While I immediately shared this correspondence with Donatello and even forwarded several of the e-mails to him, I wondered if Brian did the same with his wife. Was it my place to ask him? I deliberated about this a lot as I didn’t think it was right for him to e-mail me if his wife did not know about it. But was it right for me to be the moral police for his marriage? Should I even assume that he would fail to mention our correspondence to his wife? Plus I knew that my intentions were nothing more than to catch up, and selfishly I wanted to be able to do that. So I put it out of my mind briefly until Brian actually brought it up in his last e-mail. Brian just wanted me to know that he did not have any agenda in contacting me and that he had no regrets over where life had taken him. He affirmed that a friendship was his only interest, but that his wife did not know about our e-mailing and that he would probably keep it that way for now as she would not understand. Funny but in the next sentence he wrote “Please don’t think I’m the type of husband that hides things from his wife because I’m not!”
Although I didn’t want to do so, I wrote Brian back and explained that his marriage was more important and to be cherished more than any friendship he and I had or might develop. I explained that I wasn’t friends with married men whose wives were unaware of our friendship. I also plugged an awesome church near where they live….It was, however, tempting to cling to the idea that I was not (technically) doing anything wrong since I wasn’t married, and my intentions were “pure.” But I’m a big fan of the Golden Rule, and I was reminded of the verse that instructs us not to cause others to stumble.
Anyway, my point is that the Internet makes it so much easier to cross blurry lines….IMing people who you would never pick up the phone and call, e-mailing people you don’t really know, and getting in touch with people with whom you shouldn’t (at least without your spouse’s express permission and knowledge). As a person who has lots of friends of the opposite sex, I’m not sure what exact parameters a married couple should have (I’m sure it’s not easy), but it’s safe to say that if you would not be comfortable bccing your spouse on your correspondence, it’s probably not OK. Any thoughts?
1) do you like married men?
2) are you available?
Yes, I am in the Macon area.
Hmm. Sounds like a real winner. Sure, this guy is clearly doing the wrong thing. I, of course, will not respond.
I think MySpace is super cheesy (especially all the MySpace editing), but as a result of MySpace, I’m having lunch with one of my best friends from high school this weekend; I haven’t seen or talked to her in over five years and she lives in Utah. That’s fun.
Initially when I joined MySpace, I just assumed it was something used by single people under 30. In fact, I felt a bit ridiculous joining it and Facebook. But as I’ve played around on MySpace, I’ve come to find that there are lots of married people who participate. And some are obviously looking to cheat on their spouses. What interests me is the blurry area. For example, is it wrong for a married man to send messages to a woman he doesn’t know and will never meet?
I recently faced a moral dilemma myself. Although I ultimately handled it in what I think was the right way, I’m not sure that initially I did so. Here is a brief summary of events: I dated a guy (we’ll call him Brian) for about four and half years when I was in high school and college. We haven’t seen each other since around January of 1998, and the last time we talked was about six years ago.
Fast forward to the present: Brian googled me, finding my work e-mail address. I was very excited to hear from him and wrote him back. He is happily married and is now a father! I have loved hearing about how successful he is and how things have really come together for him. I also wanted to share with him the ways my life has changed—especially why my life has changed since he and I were both agnostic when we dated.
While I immediately shared this correspondence with Donatello and even forwarded several of the e-mails to him, I wondered if Brian did the same with his wife. Was it my place to ask him? I deliberated about this a lot as I didn’t think it was right for him to e-mail me if his wife did not know about it. But was it right for me to be the moral police for his marriage? Should I even assume that he would fail to mention our correspondence to his wife? Plus I knew that my intentions were nothing more than to catch up, and selfishly I wanted to be able to do that. So I put it out of my mind briefly until Brian actually brought it up in his last e-mail. Brian just wanted me to know that he did not have any agenda in contacting me and that he had no regrets over where life had taken him. He affirmed that a friendship was his only interest, but that his wife did not know about our e-mailing and that he would probably keep it that way for now as she would not understand. Funny but in the next sentence he wrote “Please don’t think I’m the type of husband that hides things from his wife because I’m not!”
Although I didn’t want to do so, I wrote Brian back and explained that his marriage was more important and to be cherished more than any friendship he and I had or might develop. I explained that I wasn’t friends with married men whose wives were unaware of our friendship. I also plugged an awesome church near where they live….It was, however, tempting to cling to the idea that I was not (technically) doing anything wrong since I wasn’t married, and my intentions were “pure.” But I’m a big fan of the Golden Rule, and I was reminded of the verse that instructs us not to cause others to stumble.
Anyway, my point is that the Internet makes it so much easier to cross blurry lines….IMing people who you would never pick up the phone and call, e-mailing people you don’t really know, and getting in touch with people with whom you shouldn’t (at least without your spouse’s express permission and knowledge). As a person who has lots of friends of the opposite sex, I’m not sure what exact parameters a married couple should have (I’m sure it’s not easy), but it’s safe to say that if you would not be comfortable bccing your spouse on your correspondence, it’s probably not OK. Any thoughts?
Friday, April 14, 2006
Happy Easter!
I’ve felt a bit guilty this “Easter season,” which seemingly began about two months ago when the grocery store first set up its Cadbury Egg display. This is something I look forward to every year. Before April had even begun, I had already consumed over thirty eggs in part because Donatello was thoughtful enough to send me mass quantities of Cadbury Eggs and Robin Eggs.
This last week as I’ve been thinking about why we (in theory at least) celebrate Easter, I realized that I was much more excited about the Easter candy than the resurrection and do not completely understand what Easter is all about. I know that Jesus rose from the dead and all of that, but in my heart, I’ve not been feeling celebratory about it.
I’m sure a lot of that can be attributed to the culture in which I live. What do bunnies and eggs have to do with Easter? Does anyone know? We’re surrounded by all of this Easter stuff and NONE of it references Jesus, God, the resurrection, or anything even remotely relevant to why we are supposed to be celebrating Easter. Check out the Easter card section of the Hallmark display. Secular Easter and Christmas cards (now) really annoy me. I made my own Easter cards this year, and I even referenced a bunny…my niece Lauren who looks like the cutest bunny ever in the picture below. But I also referenced why we’re celebrating this Sunday. And as I’ve been reading about the resurrection and what it means, I truly feel overwhelmed by what has been done for us. My friend Laura told me about the church service she attended last Sunday and how the congregation created a neat visual of that. In everyone’s program there was an insert. The pastor asked everyone to write down the sin that they have committed which they think is the worst on that insert. Then he asked each person to nail the insert on one of the crosses set up in the church. At the end of the service the crosses were covered in white paper, and the pastor reminded the congregation that Jesus died on the cross so that we would be forgiven for our sins. And then Jesus rose again, conquering both sin and death. “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.” 1 Peter 1:3 (NIV). Now that is something to celebrate.
This last week as I’ve been thinking about why we (in theory at least) celebrate Easter, I realized that I was much more excited about the Easter candy than the resurrection and do not completely understand what Easter is all about. I know that Jesus rose from the dead and all of that, but in my heart, I’ve not been feeling celebratory about it.
I’m sure a lot of that can be attributed to the culture in which I live. What do bunnies and eggs have to do with Easter? Does anyone know? We’re surrounded by all of this Easter stuff and NONE of it references Jesus, God, the resurrection, or anything even remotely relevant to why we are supposed to be celebrating Easter. Check out the Easter card section of the Hallmark display. Secular Easter and Christmas cards (now) really annoy me. I made my own Easter cards this year, and I even referenced a bunny…my niece Lauren who looks like the cutest bunny ever in the picture below. But I also referenced why we’re celebrating this Sunday. And as I’ve been reading about the resurrection and what it means, I truly feel overwhelmed by what has been done for us. My friend Laura told me about the church service she attended last Sunday and how the congregation created a neat visual of that. In everyone’s program there was an insert. The pastor asked everyone to write down the sin that they have committed which they think is the worst on that insert. Then he asked each person to nail the insert on one of the crosses set up in the church. At the end of the service the crosses were covered in white paper, and the pastor reminded the congregation that Jesus died on the cross so that we would be forgiven for our sins. And then Jesus rose again, conquering both sin and death. “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.” 1 Peter 1:3 (NIV). Now that is something to celebrate.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
I wish other law breaking individuals would have rallies…
Imagine if rapists or thieves began congregating and throwing rallies complete with national media attention. The police would be all over the rallies like white on rice. Our criminal justice system could have a field day. But our nation has tolerated illegal entry into our country for so long that we do not seem to notice the irony that the people participating in these heavily publicized rallies are largely criminals and could simply be checked for identification and loaded onto a bus for a one-way trip back to Mexico.
With that being said, I understand why the Hispanics who come to America do so. And based on what illegal aliens have told me, I understand that coming here legally is a very expensive process that often involves unfair politics and extremely long waits. It just seems terribly ironic to me that they are having these rallies and drawing attention to themselves. It’s hard for me to imagine any other law-breaking group of people doing the same thing. Hmm…I wish they would. We could clear up a lot of investigations.
p.s. Aren’t posts with photos more fun?
With that being said, I understand why the Hispanics who come to America do so. And based on what illegal aliens have told me, I understand that coming here legally is a very expensive process that often involves unfair politics and extremely long waits. It just seems terribly ironic to me that they are having these rallies and drawing attention to themselves. It’s hard for me to imagine any other law-breaking group of people doing the same thing. Hmm…I wish they would. We could clear up a lot of investigations.
p.s. Aren’t posts with photos more fun?
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Jane says I’m goin’ away to Spain when I get my money saved….
Ah reality! It’s back upon me. Seven days of sun, sleeping in, hot tubs, beach, wearing bikinis and flip flops instead of suits, working out, eating excessive amounts of guacamole, new/clean sheets every night (sorry environment), relaxation, and a bunch of free stuff was absolutely awesome. Highlights include: not thinking, not paying for meals and drinks (and hotel and airfare), seeing Donatello seven days in a row, the surprise gifts Donatello had for me (an ipod nano, Big Fish—the book, Reeses peanut butter eggs, Robin Eggs, and a bottle of grenadine), the surprise gifts from the company that were in our room every night when we returned from dinner, ordering five shots of Tequila for some Florida fans and not having to pay for them, and seeing Maria Shriver about ten times as she was staying at our hotel. I also enjoyed playing some really mature games like tugboat and star. What a blessing. I certainly could not afford a trip like this on my own, and it was absolutely delightful. So thank you Donatello for including me on your Mutant Ninja Turtle adventure! Cowabunga!
While on vacation I also continued my slow read of Passion & Purity by Elisabeth Elliot. It’s not really an easy or fun read, and it doesn’t flow all that well. And it’s pretty hard to relate to Elliot thus far. She was a lot further along in her walk with Christ than I think I am and had lived a much more sheltered life (especially given the era in which the events took place) and was a missionary. With all of that being said, I wish I had read the book sooner (like six months ago when Laura loaned it to me). There are a lot of truths in the book regardless of how well I can relate to Elliot’s story, and the one that I’m working on learning to incorporate right now is submitting my pain/sadness/disappointment to God. I’m really big on talking things out and feeling really emotional and praying, but I never really submit my feelings to God and hand them over….I think that instead I wallow in them sometimes. I’m sure there is a correct balance to be had, but I don’t quite yet know what it is. Maybe a nice long trip to southern Spain would help me figure it out…..
Donatello & his new friends
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