First Kisses

I'll give you three guesses as to what prompted me to think about this topic.

I love the feeling (excitement, tension, and awkwardness combined) in the air before the first kiss. Usually I know it's coming. On my third date with B.E. I knew he wanted to kiss me. It was after all our third date, and we were having fun. Because I'm mean like that, I subtly thwarted each of his efforts by turning my head, starting a new conversation, or the like. Of course, I finally quit, but it was fun to mess with him.

But my most recent first kiss wasn't exciting at all, and even though I wasn't really looking forward to it (I was tired and not incredibly interested), I went along with it in hopes that the kiss might make me like him more. And although he was techically a good kisser, it didn't.

If I were a guy, I think I'd have to go on at least four dates and see a lot of enthusiasm before I'd muster the courage to kiss someone. Unless drinking is involved in which case I'd try on the first date. But I don't think I'd be the guy that would ask first--that just kind of ruins the moment, but I guess that's better than kissing someone who doesn't want to be kissed. A head turn would be so embarassing.

One of my friends, lets call her Grace, has been dating a guy since last spring. And they still haven't kissed. Yes, I know that seems crazy (they really aren't), but there's something that is slightly appealing about that to me. Imagine a relationship in which you're not totally overcome with thoughts of what you want to do with each other physically but instead talking and really getting to know each other. I guess I call that friendship. Hmm. Well anyway, it's been fun to watch their very intentional relationship and the gradual steps that they've taken in getting to know each other. For example, hand holding was a big deal to them. I think that's kind of cool, and it's refreshing in comparison to everything not being a big deal in our culture. It's like reclaiming excitement. I hate the lack of passion my generation seems to have when it comes to sex. Anyway I could write several posts on that topic--maybe another day.

The Weekend....

wore me out. I generally depend on the weekends to help me catch up on rest, but this weekend has left me feeling more tired. Oh well, that's how the ball bounces sometimes. Just an aside, I have no idea how people regularly communte in traffic. It's exhuasting. I had a commute of about 30 minutes the first four months I taught school, but it was a 25 mile drive so no traffic or hassle. It was actually kind of relaxing because I would eat breakfast, listen to morning radio and music, and think; it was before cell phones were used for anything besides emergencies, so there was no compulsion to catch up with people while driving either. I'll spare you the details of the irritating commute I had while working at an Atlanta law firm one summer, but suffice to say, I knew I could never commit to a daily commute of any length.

So anyway, I took a half day off on Friday so I could pick up the cakes for my step-sister's wedding reception and get a partial (highlights). Despite it being mid-day, it took me three times as long as it should have to get to Atlanta. Fortunately I was able to get a later appointment since I missed my appointment time. I did pick up the cakes, and I ate plenty of the white chocolate one the next night. Yummy. The wedding and reception went fine, and bam now they are a family (my step-sister has a daughter and her husband has two children). I pray that those children have an easier time of the step-parent(s) than I did. That's tough stuff.

Random thoughts: My mother's ($1000 plus) digital camera rocks. I used it all weekend, which is why I don't have many fun pics to post from the festivities.

This weather is delightful and so are my nieces.

I should have worked today. Yuck.

The reception was casual and outside. Several women had on what looked like riding pants with calf/knee high boots. I guess that is some new trend. I am not a very trendy person, so I'm often surprised by how people will wear something that is unflattering just because it's "in." The other day a salesperson at J Crew was trying to convince me to buy a corduroy vest. That's evidently "in" right now, but I personally think I'm way too young to be accessorizing with vests (unless the vest is for warmth, but even then--why not wear something with sleeves?). Similarly I'm not wearing "skinny jeans" with ankle zippers. This isn't to say that I haven't looked horrid on many ocassions, probably as a result of my genetic lack of style/fashion sense, etc.

I love Legally Blond.

My ten year class reunion is next weekend. It should be interesting even though only 40 people have RSVPed (from a graduating class of over 200).

Here's a photo of my mother at the reception, my niece Lauren, and the pretty view on the drive out to the reception.

Yet Another Good Reason to Pray....

just occurred to me while I was watching Grey's Anatomy (don't read this post if you're waiting until this weekend to watch the Grey's episode). Seeking God and His wisdom through prayer results in me not making as many rash (and often irrational) decisions. Before I was a Christian (and even sometimes now), I would impulsively make a decision based on how I felt at the moment I was making the decision. And then of course the next day or week I'd wonder if I made a mistake.

Now when I'm making an important decision (and even some not so important decisions), I pray. Granted, I don't pray enough, and I sometimes forget to ask for God's guidance; but in general, I don't make quick decisions and do my best to turn things over to God. Before Donatello and I quit dating, I did a lot of praying; several months of prayer went into the decision to end the relationship. And there were definitely days when I felt certain that it was time to end it before the actual ending, but then other days I wasn't sure. The upside of prayer and giving it over to God was the certainty I feel now and the peace that came with the end of the relationship. Sure, it's still not easy (breaking up rarely is), in part because I'm a retarded, sentimental, emotional girl, but it's so much less difficult than past break-ups because I don't have to wonder if I made the wrong decision. God answered my prayers, and I think that because I'm so dense (I'm still waiting for God to get gmail), he even continues to reaffirm the answer to me so I'll feel a peace about it.

McDreamy, on the other hand, is an idiot. Prayer or not, the way he handled the ending of his "relationship" with Meredith is infuriating. So his soon to be ex-wife says one sentence to him, and he makes a big decision (with no real discussion) with less than a few hours thought. Ridiculous. Doesn't he owe her a little more thought than that? Shouldn't that be the kind of decision that's made after at least a few days of thought? That kind of impulsive decisions just smacks of immaturity and thoughtlessnes. And yes, I just used words like "infuriating" to describe a television program involving fictional characters. I'm officially a loser.

Happy Friday!

Things I'm Thankful for that Begin with the Letter "F"

Friendship: I can’t imagine life without it. And right now I have the best friendships I’ve ever had in large part because of our shared faith.

Faith: For years I just didn’t believe in God and kept on thinking that I needed to "figure out" what I believed but thinking that I wasn't ready to be a practicing Christian. So finally I read a lot, talked to people, and even logically believed in some of the Christian principles and beliefs. But I lacked faith. And at the time, I was (especially) one of those people who always likes to be right, so the notion of believing in someone that I can’t actually see was quite the leap of faith. I kept putting myself in the right place and praying and finally I took the leap of faith. And although I wouldn’t describe Christianity as a cakewalk, my life has been so much better because of my faith and trust in God. It’s calmer, fuller, and much more comforting (there’s something nice about knowing that I’m not in control).

Free stuff: Free stuff makes me so happy and is always a pleasant surprise. Dinner tomorrow night at Natalias is free thanks to work; the trip to Cabo was free; my favorite downtown restaurant has been giving me free meals and desserts lately because of my loyal patronage; lunch at Moes on Saturday was free because it was my tenth meal there….

France: Although I didn’t care for Paris at all (if it were free, I’d give it another try:), the French Riviera was lovely and the people were very kind. And the language sounds so pretty.

Flag football: FF was one of my favorite parts of law school. During my 1L year, I thought it would be fun to organize a co-ed team (“The Tight Ends”) of the most unlikely players ever. The roster included: my crazy roommate with fake nails who screeched when the ball came her way (she wore lots of makeup to practice too); the crazy roommate’s crazy friend; a country boy who wore tight Wrangler jeans to all of our practices (he had to wear shorts without pockets to the actual games); and a line-backer looking girl who ended up being one of our better players (and coincidentally a lesbian). The Tight Ends had some changes to the roster, but we played all three years. Several of us even ended up playing together in an Atlanta league for a year after graduation.

Florida: It’s very touristy, but I always have a good time in Destin and the surrounding area. The weather is always fantastic, and the beaches are pretty. I’ve had a good time in Miami, Jacksonville, Naples, and Orlando too. The Keys seem really overrated to me, but I’m also not into fishing.

Freedom: I take it for granted, but I am so glad that I'm an American by birth. And I’m blessed by my freedom in Christ. Galatians 5:1 “Christ having made us gloriously free—stand fast and do not again be hampered with the yoke of slavery.”

Funny people: I love laughing, especially until it makes me cry or my stomach hurt. In high school I ate lunch every day with a couple of friends, and they were so funny that I was often sore from laughing. And about five years ago I dated a guy for a year and a half, and we just had a gift for making each other laugh. It was constant and easily one of my happiest memories of that relationship.

Finger foods, french fries, fondue, fudge, fringe benefits (especially when they are unexpected), fandango.com, fountain drinks (one of the few upsides of working in a big city firm is that all of the break rooms are outfitted with these machines), funnel cakes (I had a yummy one last week at the fair:), Five for Fighting, frosting (easily the best part of a cake), 4Runner (I take it for granted, but when I think about it, I’m so glad to have such a safe, reliable vehicle), french toast, Flashdance and Fame (childhood favorites), For Squirrels…

p.s. Happy Birthday Jeff (tomorrow)!!
p.p.s. I have a work dinner tomorrow night, but it doesn't begin until 7:30. I doubt I'll escape in time for Grey's. I'm not sure a free dinner is worth a delayed viewing, but oh well.

Random Stuff....

On days like today (and all summer long), I wish I was still a teacher.

Why do people pick the treadmill right next to someone when there are four or five other ones to choose from that wouldn't involve breathing and sweating on someone else?

I wonder what it means when my heart rate is 100% on the little treadmill scale the entire time I'm running (20 minutes). Does that mean I'm out of shape or running too fast or nothing at all?

Peanut butter pie is so delicious that I ate almost half of one in the last 24 hours. Side note: peanut butter pie seems to help me run faster.

The song "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol is awesome, but it makes me feel like someone is sitting on my chest. I generally cannot bear to listen to it because it makes me so sad (and it's not even associated with any memories).

Why do I search the nanny listings on Craigslist for Los Angeles at least once a week? Would I really ever quit my job to move to California and be a nanny (again)?

I love dinner parties, and my friend Laura is great about hosting them. I wish I were better about stuff like that.

The Google reader service seems pretty cool, and of course, I love gmail.

One thing I love about Macon is that I run into people I know occasionally, and it happened a lot this weekend--and all people I was genuinely glad to see.

Should I delete my myspace and facebook accounts? Why don't I just not check them every day and solve that problem?

The guy on the Bachelor leaves something to be desired. Then again, so do some of those girls (especially the crazy emotional one who ranted about how she likes to judge people all the while insinuating that the Bachelor shouldn't judge her for being judgmental).

Yesterday I finally (for the first time in weeks--all male friends excluded of course) saw a cute guy in Macon. But as I looked at him while sipping my caramel macchiato, I realized he looked a lot like a guy I went out with once over a year ago. My memory is so terrible that I wasn't even sure that he wasn't that guy.

A friend sent me this verse a while back, and I like the idea of setting my mind on the things above rather than the trivial things I usually think about (see above:) "Set you mind on things that are above, no on the things that are on earth, for you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life is revealed, then you also will be revealed with him in glory." Colossians 3:2-4. It's funny how different her translation is from mine--even a comma makes a difference.

Sidewalk Preachers.....

During my one year at UGA, I observed “street preachers” (I’m not sure what the correct name is) on several occasions. The best description I can think of is that they are a combination between a television evangelist and Jerry Springer. These preachers were actually mean though. They stood on wooden platforms outside of the student center and would “call out” specific students. For example, if a girl in a short skirt walked by, they would comment on her attire and her sinfulness. I never understood what they were hoping to accomplish with their condemnation and fire and brimstone ranting.

In my hometown there are some men who also scream/preach for the public outside of Burger King and Family Dollar. Anyway weekend before last I went home, and my sister and I had a cook out for my mother’s birthday. My step-sister has recently gotten engaged, and this was the first time her fiancé came to one of our immediate family get-togethers. She has seemingly been trying to avoid the fiancé’s introduction to our craziness. That’s kind of understandable, although I’m a big fan of full disclosure when marriage is at issue. She’s a few years older than me though and already been married once, so I guess it’s different.

So brother-in-law Billy Bob* had started drinking Jack and Coke around 5:30. So naturally he was loud and somewhat irrational. So religion came up because my step-sister is becoming a Methodist now, and we started recalling a big discussion we’d had several years before about the topic. I don’t remember the specifics, but basically I got a headache and left the room; my step-sister said you could pick and choose which parts of the Bible you want to believe; and my younger sister cried on her drive home because she thought my step-sister and I were going to hell. It was a fun night.

So I posed one conversation for the group: “How do you think a person ‘gets’ to Heaven?” I think this is a pretty simple question for a group of Christians, but my step-sister and her fiancé kind of balked--granted this isn't a typical conversation so somewhat understandably. Well this was just the opportunity brother-in-law Billy Bob was waiting for as he nursed his Budweiser from his recliner. Billy Bob raised his beer in the air and began to preach with the fervor that only a drunk, non-practicing Baptist can. I actually agree with most of what he said and jokingly offered to take him down to the local Family Dollar to share the gospel with “cruisers.” After that experience I’m sure my step-sister is glad that she waited until after the wedding was planned for the fiancé’s family initiation. Good times and the best hope you can have for entertainment in my hometown.

Roommates....Finally One Reason It Wouldn't be Bad to Have One

I've had my fair share of crazy roommates over the years. In college it was a girl named Lori. She was super-religious to the point that she made a huge deal out of me wearing my cotton robe (a gift from my mother, so you know it wasn't sexy) into the kitchen in the morning when her boyfriend was in our kitchen. Since her boyfriend was always at our apartment, I thought it was a ridiculous complaint. Perhaps he shouldn't be there at 9 a.m. Once when I came in the kitchen to get some ice in my robe, she grabbed her boyfriend's arm to storm into her bedroom.

It didn't help that despite her "Christian convictions," she was selfish and rude. Lori and her boyfriend would help themselves to any baked goods I happened to leave in the kitchen, yet she'd bake a cake and store it in her bedroom until she had to dispose of the uneaten portion away. She practically called me a slut one night because she saw me kissing a guy, and upon questioning, I couldn't tell her his last name. Of course, her ridiculousness only provoked me (I was only 18...). Once I did crunches in our living room floor in a sports bra and shorts just to make her mad (her boyfriend was there). Another time a guy spent the night with me (but nothing had really happened) because he had drank too much to drive, and the next day I let him make me french toast in his boxers--knowing that she would come in from church (which ironically she never invited me to) to see this half-naked, very attractive football player in our kitchen. I knew what she would assume and of course didn't correct her. It was too much fun to see her get mad and flip into spiteful judgmental mode.

I enjoyed living alone after that, but finally did the roommate thing again to save money while I was in law school. This roommate was the other extreme, once calling me while driving drunk at 2 a.m. to ask me to get her sheets out of the dryer and put them on her bed because she was bringing a stranger home with her. Her friend also brought home a stranger, and I don't even want to know what they did in our living room. While I didn't pass judgment on what she'd done, I didn't like strange men in my apartment (I later found out one of them was a convicted felon...nice). And I didn't like being kept awake all night long. So I've been very grateful to live alone the last three years.

But Thursday night, I would have liked to have a roommate. I stopped at a gas station after work and bought a Kashi peanut butter/chocolate bar. I ate it on the way home. While eating some popcorn, my back started to itch. Then my throat started itching, so I took a Zyrtec, thinking my allergies were coming back. But then I started feeling sick and having difficulty breathing. I just thought I getting a cold, but then I realized I'd gone from fine to sick in about 20 minutes. A look in the mirror revealed a swollen eyelid, places all over my back that looked like bug bites, and swelling around my mouth. Then I noticed that my mouth was going kind of numb. I called my mom, and she could hear my breathing difficulty. She wanted me to go to urgent care or the ER. I hated to go to the ER given my horrible health insurance, and I think the people at urgent care are a step above monkeys--plus I feel like I'm swimming in germs when I'm there. So I went to Kroger, talked to the pharmacist, and swallowed a fifth of the bottle of Benadryl. Within ten mintues I felt better, although I pathetically wandered around Kroger (at least I needed some groceries) until I felt like it had all passed (thinking it would be best to be in public if I passed out or something). Unfortunately the emergency dose of Benadryl made me really sick, and I was afraid of going to sleep--because I didn't want to miss Grey's and was afraid I might start having trouble breathing again. So for once, it would have been nice to have a roommate or a McDreamy/McSteamy around.

Cultural Literacy Thursday

Hmm...I am evidently culturally illiterate, so please enlighten me dear readers.

Achille's Heel: Your greatest weakness? I think Achille was a character from Greek mythology.

Acquittal: Finally a softball for me--not guilty

Acropolis: An important city in Greece way back when?

"Actions speak louder than words" : Amen, I agree, but when I really like a guy it's amazing how I can forget. This one speaks for itself.

Act of God: A "natural" occurrence such as a hurricane or tornado that cannot be prevented by man.

Actuary: Someone who figures out stuff for insurance companies--like life expectancies or something. I may be totally off on that one.

Adagio: Well I think that's the name of the spa that sent a masseuse over to my hotel in Nashville early this year when I got a massage, but I'm guessing there is some more important meaning for this word. I just don't know it.

Addams, Jane: If her last name was spelled "Adams," I'd assume she was a first lady. No clue. I am feeling pretty stupid. I think the Jane that did the monkey stuff was Goodman. Hmm.

The Aegean: A sea....located somewhere not near here--maybe the Middle East or Greece.

Agnosticism: Not knowing what you believe with regard to whether or not there is a God. I was an agnostic for a few years, but I finally just started saying I was a "Christian" when asked by fellow classmates at Mercer (undergrad) so they wouldn't "witness" (their word) to me or sing gospel songs at me, etc. I am very glad to no longer not know what I believe, and although I completely disagree with those classmates' approach to sharing their faith, I at least now can kind of understand the feeling of urgency they seemed to have about sharing their faith.

"Alas, poor Yorick" : I guess it's from a book, but I don't know which one.

p.s. I haven't seen a cute guy all week, so I'm especially looking forward to McDreamy tonight. Don't forget Grey's!

Expression of Gratitude

Environmental Law: My excuse to spend a month in Costa Rica, and the class was pass/fail and included lots of fun field trips.
Emerson, Ralph Waldo: Self Reliance has been one of my favorites since I was 12. I think I've read it over 5 times.
E-mail: It helps me keep in touch and stay awake at work.
Earrings: They are the only accessroy I can seem to manage to wear unless sunglasses count.
Earl Thomas Conley: "The hardest thing I ever had to do was holding her and loving you." For some weird reason, that song was on constant repeat during my first law school exam period, and I did well; so I associate good things with that very sad country song.
Earnestness: So attractive!
Ethan and Eli: My best friend's two sons; they are healthy and smart, and they bring her a lot of joy.
Extra light blue gum: I'm never without it.
Esther: I'm glad we've at least got two books of the Bible named after members of my gender.
Everwood: I'm kind of struggling with "e" words, but this was a great show.
Electricity, exploring (one of my favorite activities), encouragement, enthusiasm, Ella (I can live vicariously through her dating escapades), elephant ears (that's what I called the delicious pastries I ate every day when I spent six weeks in Spain--they are called palmeras but look like elephant ears hence the name), English class (one of my favorite subjects in school), and eating (definitely makes my top five list of things I enjoy doing)....I'm sure there are more things/people/places (a.k.a. nouns) that I appreciate, but I'm still working and it's 1 a.m.--a procrastinator, as evidenced by this post, to the very end:)

Office Gossip...Sex, Politics, & Religion

99.9% of the time I eat lunch outside of the office. I like getting out of the office, meeting friends, and having a complete break from work. On a few occasions, however, I've gotten take-out and eaten in the break room where some of our staff eats their lunch. In comparison to the coworkers (attorneys) I sometimes eat lunch with, the ladies in the break room can seem like a complaining and gossiping bunch, although I suspect it's one ringleader that stirs them all up. And admittedly, my firm doesn't take human resources very seriously; I see so many ways we could encourage and support employees and have even mentioned several to our firm administrator, but the firm just isn't interested in things like that. It's really too bad.

So one day I joined them in the middle of a conversation about "certain people" (who it seemed like they had named before I joined them) who don't always wash their hands after using the restroom. This conversation seemed like it lasted five minutes. In an attempt to quell their outrage, I suggested that perhaps some people kept anti-bacterial lotions in their desk drawer and simply used that instead of drying out their hands with soap with repeated washings.

Anyway, I saw one of the participants "wash" her hands the other day. The washing included wetting her hands—no soap and 5 seconds of water. I'm not sure what the point was, but in her mind, that makes her superior to the women she was criticizing the other day. I personally don't get wound up about whether or not someone washes their hands, although I admit that I don't understand the point of wetting your hands--but whatever.

So all of this prompted me to think about lunch conversations in general. While I certainly don't mind lunching with coworkers and sometimes enjoy it, we never talk about anything beside ourselves (and our close friends, family, etc.). Granted it's better than when I taught elementary school and the teachers would share graphic details about their babies' bowel movements/eating habits and other stuff that was incredibly boring (not to mention gross). And as you know from my blog, I don't mind talking about myself and I love knowing what is going on with my friends' lives and feeling like I really know someone. But when my friend Charles worked at the firm this summer we'd talk about our faith, religious beliefs, the world, etc., and it was a lovely break from the monotony of just talking about weekend plans, etc.

I guess I would have thought that a bunch of lawyers would at least occasionally talk about politics or world events, but perhaps they all heed the advice my father gave me a long time ago—and that's to not talk about sex, politics, or religion. Needless to say I believe that excludes some of my most favorite discussion topics, and therefore I haven't abided by his recommendation. Anyway all of this made me think of a saying on a plaque in my step-father's old office: "Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people." --Eleanor Roosevelt. I discuss all three, so I'm not sure what that means, but I'm sure I'd be well served to focus more on God and ideas than other people (and what they are or are not discussing in the breakroom!).

p.s. Another side note about Grey's--I'm glad they are adding another hot guy (McSteamy) to the cast.