I really do. I’m terrible about over-analyzing and over-thinking things. The latest area in which my mind has been in overdrive has been my relationship with Donatello. And as usual, I just wish God would send me an e-mail telling me exactly what my future holds and/or what I should be doing or not doing. I am sad to say that God doesn’t use the Internet (the whole omniscient thing kind of defeats the purpose) and therefore such e-mail has not been forthcoming.
I know….I’m supposed to pray, read God’s word, and seek counsel from my Godly friends. And I’m doing that, although I’ll admit that I’m still not good at this “quiet time” thing my Christian friends talk about nor have I tried to be “still.” Focusing is definitely a weak point for me. And historically I have needed really huge, glaringly obvious signs to end relationships—like someone cheating on me or standing me up on my birthday. Fortunately Donatello is not the kind of person who would do either. And yes, I am learning from all of these relationships, and I’m very happy to say that I am a better person for knowing Donatello. Donatello has encouraged me in so many positive ways and has helped keep me accountable for reading the Bible daily and tithing. He’s also the first person I’ve ever attempted to date in a way that would glorify God. And it’s not been easy or a complete success, but it’s hard for me to imagine many guys (especially normal ones) being as committed to this endeavor as Donatello has been. What a blessing!
Anyway, I kind of wish that we could be spared the process of dating. I’ve spent entirely too much of my life doing it (probably in part because I was not seeking relationships that glorified God). I know that He uses these experiences to teach us, develop our character, and draw us to Him, but sometimes I still wish that I could just not date until He sent me the photo and resume of the One, assuring me that he was the One from the beginning—like an arranged marriage but explicitly arranged by God. OR he could just give me an off switch for my brain, so I could quit overanalyzing. Or I could learn to submit my worries to God instead of holding on to them and mulling over them. Hmm…now there’s a thought.