Friday, November 21, 2008

I Belong in the Service of the Queen (or at least to go on a date, right?)

I've not written about dating since my break up with Carter in June simply because there has been nothing to report. Sure I have a crush, which is exciting to me, but I'm 30 years old and probably need to stop gushing about the guy who has not asked me out (a.k.a. the crush). On the flip side, I struggle with pridefulness and thus not letting myself hope, so I think it's sort of good to crush someone (whose feelings only indicate friendship) and to hope (that maybe something more than friendship will emerge). I think there will be more on the crush next week; Accidentally Me and I may have a debate about our differences of opinion on the matter.

Speaking of Carter, he calls at least every two weeks it seems (which is less than he was calling just two months ago). I like Carter and think he's a great guy, but for whatever reason, I have almost no desire to talk to him. I've gotten in the habit of deliberately waiting days to call him back, hoping that he'll get the hint. I hope that doesn't seem ugly b/c Carter is important, but I don't want an hour long phone call/twice a month friendship with him. It makes me feel like my feelings are a bit light switch-ish, but I just don't see building some great friendship with an ex-boyfriend.

This week I went to lunch with two co-workers and met three men in passing. One was near my age; another was late 30s, and the third was 50+. Which one do you think texted my co-worker to inquire about me within minutes of us leaving the restaurant? Yep, you guessed it. The one closest in age with my father wanted to know if I were single, etc. This 53 year old seems to hate rap music, so my co-worker was going to text him back that my favorite song is the rap song about apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur, which now that I have checked it out, I realize is a great song. So fun.

My (younger) boss overheard this conversation and chimed in that his brother-in-law who I was reintroduced to (I knew him as a child) this week was also interested in me. All I know about the BIL is that he's 29 and lives in my hometown. Hmm.

Thankfully I'm feeling really patient with my lack of dating and whatnot, but part of me thinks I should be making more of an effort and doing online dating like everyone else....maybe in January.

And on that note, I'm going to get to work (from a cute coffeeshop in downtown Chatty). Hope your Friday is splendid!

p.s. I'm grateful for all of your votes on the last post; it was fun to read your thoughts and to hear from some new bloggers.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Ally for President

Two months or so ago we had picture day at the firm. Of course my (male) boss gave me almost no notice, so (1) I happened to be wearing a tee shirt, (2) had an overdue appointment to get my roots done the day AFTER the photo shoot, and (3) had not decorated my office yet (I need a wife). Now I'm supposed to pick a photo to go with my bio; here are a few of the thirty photos of me. Do you know how ridiculous I felt during this process? Feel free to inform me of your choice and/or make fun. The photographer can crop and sprinkle fairy dust on my pick.

Photo # 1: Your attorney is also an aspiring elected official. She loves her country!! Therefore you should hire and/or vote for her.

Photo #2: Aw how sweet, your attorney can tilt her head.

Photo # 3: You don't have a what? What does a camera lense have to do with the price of tea in China? I don't get it.

Photo #4: My arms are crossed. I mean business. Power lawyer. Or not. (That window now has drapes.)

Photo #5: Your attorney can't find a good photographer. Oh, and she works out at the Rush (see the attachment to her car keys beside her Razor).

Photo #6: The one black and white the photographer randomly threw in the mix...with my secretary's head on the left side. Nice touch.

Photo #7: Like many professionals, I often perch on the side of my desk while working. When I'm serving you, we'll be in close communication!

p.s. I am grateful for apple cider. It's finally really cold, and it's nice to drink something warm.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Smile Like the Sunrise

  • I just deleted a few catty comments about The Hills. It's just too easy, and the real issue is why I watch it if I feel the way I do.

  • Is anyone else as excited as I am about Thanksgiving? Does a holiday get any better than the celebration of gratitude and food? I've already had two Thanksgiving meals this month plus my friends are having a pre-Thanksgiving meal on the Tuesday before and then two meals on Thanksgiving's a lot of eating, but someone has to do it:) What does your Thanksgiving menu have to include? My non-negotiables are turkey, dressing, bread, and sweet potato casserole (with lots of crunchy brown sugar/pecan topping).

  • I love shopping online especially since I get free shipping at Old Navy, Gap, and Banana, but this vanity and/or mis-sizing has got to stop. I'm 5'6, weigh 130 pounds, am medium-boned, and am not flat-chested. I should not need an extra-small. I never know what to order anymore because sizes keep on getting bigger and bigger. Three of the four things I received from J.Crew today are too big (and I ordered a small). Ridiculous. Of course, given the preceding bullet that may change in the coming week:) But seriously what are my 5'2 small boned friends suppose to wear? Kids clothing? Are they going to come out with negative sizing next?

  • Finally I can listen to melancholy songs on repeat for days and days and not get sad. This has seriously increased the quality of my listening, and I've not busted out City High in at least 5 days.

p.s. I'm grateful for opportunities to try new it was a cardio-sculpt class, my first Motion to Compel hearing, a rice-fennel dish, sweet potato bars (with cake mix, white chocolate, and oats), and some $2 earrings from Charlotte Russe.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

We Flying First Class Up in the Sky

I had lots of work firsts this week. Here are a few:

(1) I took a day trip to Texas in my client's plane; it was the first time I'd ever flown non-commercially, and I seriously prefer skipping (1) Atlanta traffic, (2) security, (3) parking, and (4) mediocre airplane food and service, and (5) sitting around and waiting in the airport. Having a private terminal, two pilots at our beck and call, much more space, a rental Navigator waiting 20 feet from our plane, and catered meals is really much more my style:) Ha. Downside: no restroom on the plane. There was a funnel, however, for emergencies.

(2) A client explained to me how important sex was in a marriage and how he couldn't blame his children for having premarital sex. I just listened for a while, but then of course, I opened my big mouth and said that I was cool trusting God with my future marriage (and sex life) just like I tried to trust Him with every other part of my life. I also noted that some of my married friends could vouch for the fact that premarital sex is not always the best predictor of marital sex. He told me that I was probably missing out on a lot of great future husbands and fathers by refusing to have premarital sex.

(3) I was grilled by two of my clients (and in front of my boss) about my love life or lack thereof. "How old are you? What, you're really 30?" "You really don't have a boyfriend?" "Do you realize the longer you wait, the fewer people there are going to be for you to marry?" "What are you looking for in a husband?" "Well, what else are you looking for?" "Do you realize how important genetics are?"

(4) Another client explained to my boss and me that she wasn't taken seriously by some men that we had met with because she didn't have a "camera lense." I said I didn't understand. She and my boss just looked at me. Then she said "I don't have the correct anatomy." And I said "I still don't understand." And then it hit me. Am I stupid? I never would have put a camera lense and male anatomy together on my own.

Anyway, after waking up at 4 a.m. to fly to Texas, spending the day there, returning, driving to C-town, running 6 miles, and shopping at Walmart, it's bedtime. May the weekend begin. Hope yours is delightful. And if you had any firsts this week, I'd love to read about them.

p.s. I'm grateful for 24 hour stores, so that I can get my grocery shopping over with and have food for breakfast without getting out in the rain.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Loving the Unloveable and Miracles

Forcing myself to resolve conflict rather than avoid it has been one change that is partly a result of my faith; trying to love the unloveable is another slow change that has resulted from my commitment to Christ. I've had a heart for difficult children for years, but difficult adults have been another story. After all, who wants to put up with an annoying, obnoxious grown-up? Not me. It's easy to think "She has no excuse; she is an adult."

The problem is that as Christians we're called to love these people as ourselves. Unfortunately there is no caveat for those who have personalities that make us want to kick them, punch them in the face, or otherwise express our dislike. And I've come to believe that avoiding them is not always the right answer either, although I sometimes wish it were. My path has recently been crossed by someone who has been rather disagreeable. He talks too much, can be rather self-centered, is demanding and needy, and happened to drink entirely too much; on the flip side, he's straight-forward and real, game for heavy conversations, and funny. And he's also clearly been wounded and unloved and rejected over the years. His pain is obvious. We've fallen into an odd friendship that has been exhausting me. I've had to rely on God to give me strength, patience, and grace for this man. I've failed often as I've been snarky or short with him or internally ugly as I've encountered him one too many times in a week. As I've considered why my time with him is sometimes so frustrating, I realize it brings out some of the worst in me---my impatience, intolerance, selfishness, and arrogance. I hate being confronted with the sin that festers in me, and I hate that because of this man others are seeing it too. God has been stretching me, and it's uncomfortable.

At the same time, it's gratifying as I've probably never had anyone be so grateful for my friendship. I'm not sure many people have felt as loved by me as this man has. And last week my prayer (and many of my friends') that this man would know Christ was answered, and I've never seen such a quick and radical transformation in another person. His misery and bitterness has seemingly overnight been replaced with joy and hope. It's been incredible, and honestly I've had a hard time believing it. Isn't it crazy to pray for something big and then not believe it when it happens? As much as I want to believe in a God that big and powerful, this experience has shown me that I'm not quite there yet.

p.s. I'm grateful for coffee...the different flavors, decaf, the feeling of holding a warm cup in my hand, the way it makes a conversation even better, and the romance of it all.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Conflict Resolved

For at least the past ten years one of my struggles has been how I handle interpersonal conflict. I'm often tempted not to handle it and/or let it eat away at me to the point that it's my primary focus. It's seemed odd to me that this is so difficult for me given that (1) most people regard me as a straight-shooter who calls it like it is and (2) I'm an attorney and have generally been happy to go to bat for others and with regard to non-inter-personal things like consumer issues, etc.

Over time I've realized that there are several obstacles between healthy conflict resolution and me. Carter pointed out one issue--some of my early attempts at handling some family matters blew up in my face and were very painful and disappointing, thus it's logical that I avoid it now. For years I struggled with the sadness associated with this conflict and finally dealt with it in college with the help of a therapist. At the end of therapy, I spoke with the family member about how difficult it had all been for me, and I was given the awful "I'm sorry you feel that way" line which basically just means "whatever." Needless to say that negative experience helped make me gun-shy.

I think another obstacle is my pride. I hate needing anyone, being vulnerable, and admitting that I may have (gasp!) illogical feelings. After all a dispute with AT&T over a phone bill isn't going to cause tears, pain, or require that I admit that I'm hurt--that you can hurt me.

So over the past few years, I've forced myself to tell people when they hurt my feelings. It's been challenging for me, but I think I'm so much better for it. And it's getting easier.

This latest conflict was something that I would have ignored in the past--and just resulted in me avoiding the offender, but given that I'm trying to live in Christian community and do unto others as I'd have them do unto me (and Lord knows, I hurt people's feelings without realizing it and need to be told so I can avoid it in the future), I confronted him about his unacceptable behavior. We had a good conversation, and he took complete responsibility for his actions (and even contacted my friends who were there to discuss it with them) and asked for my forgiveness. So now I've yet another positive experience with conflict resolution.

In other news, we had a fun Halloween party on our roof last week complete with a fire. Not many people get to have fires on their roof:) Here's my best pirate face. Unfortunately the roof was too cold to wear my pirate skirt (and really do pirates wear skirts?). I also drank my very first po'mosa (poor man's mimosa--Miller High Life & orange juice....and surprisingly not bad, particularly since I hate beer). Saturday was a trip to Nashville with friends to see William Fitzsimmons in concert, play frisbee in the park with Brian, and have dinner (and yummy mojitos) at Rumba with Isabella and Chasie. Fun, fun, fun!
p.s. I'm thankful that my boss offered to let me stay at his mountain cabin (complete with a waterfall in the backyard!) this weekend.