This & That....

It's almost the end of November, so I figured it might be time for my monthly blog post. I hope you're having a great fall and as excited as I am by the four day weekend, time with family, and yummy food. Here are some random thoughts:

Thanks to my boss I tried (for free) the new Starbucks creme brulee caramel latte. The whip cream and caramel brulee bits were delicious, but the actual latte wasn't very good.

I had brie with jam wrapped in phyllo last night. It was DELICIOUS.

We saw this ad the other day, and Clay thought it was awesome. Maybe you will too.


Here are some excerpts from a recent deposition of one of my clients:

Opposing counsel: "Do you have type 1 or type 2 diabetes?"

My client: "Well the doctor told me to quit eating those sweet Little Debbies." [Ah, gotcha, you totally answered that question]

My client: [From out of nowhere during a break] My lawyer here, she's a good looking woman. She's like a movie star or something, isn't she?

Opposing counsel: [Blank stare. Then states:] "Let's get that on the record."

My client constantly compliments me on what a fine lawyer I am, how I am good looking and shouldn't live alone because I need someone to keep me warm on cold nights, etc. He's evidently read that flattery (or his version of it) will get you better service. That is, until the other day when he asked me if the opposing counsel and/or insurance company had bribed me to do their dirty work. Sigh.

Recent Facebook status update from a girl I went to high school with:

"Life is good, God is great and men are sleezy. I am going to take a bubble bath and think about how truly blessed I am I don't have to come home to a man. I am free! Good God Almighty Free at last...."

p.s. I am thankful for a relaxed weekend with no working responsibilities, good books to read, time with my nieces, spending my first major holiday with Clay, and that my sister's third daughter should be here two months from now.

Cupcakes, Bagels, Honey Pecan Chicken Salad, and Smarties

I often think of my life as being full of phases and not surprisingly they often involve food....the year I craved salmon Caesar salad and baked potatoes almost daily or the semesters I ate huge bags of Smarties or most recently my fondness for cupcakes. I've been hoping for a healthy eating phase to begin any day now, but it's definitely like swimming upstream. I'll make fruit smoothies for breakfast for a few days but then skip a day or two because a Power Bar or Panera cinnamon crunch bagel seems easier, quicker, or yummier. But good news!! Clay bought a fabulous grill (so easy that I could even use it), which has taken residence on my balcony. In five days we've grilled three times, which means that I'm eating chicken and other sources of nutrients instead of cupcakes, fluffernutters, and the like.

Other new developments include a fondness for the following: Miley Cyrus' "Party in the U.S.A." (although the video is disturbing), early bedtimes and sometimes as much as 9 hours of sleep each night, Clay's DVR which is conveniently set to record such masterpieces as "The Hills" and "Brothers & Sisters," and the Holy Bible iphone app that makes reading the Bible in bed even easier.

So what's new with you? Has anyone else started Christmas shopping yet? I bought my first gift today.

p.s. I'm grateful for chimichangas, calzones, burnt hot dogs, sesame sticks, Coca Cola, and the ease with which I'm able to acquire food. We're so blessed.

Out with the Old (Relationships), In with the New (Relationship)

In the last few months, I've learned some good lessons about building a solid foundation for a relationship. I tend toward the conservative in theory when it comes to these sorts of issues ("wide margins"), but in practice, I've let remnants of past relationships continue to linger.

For example, until recently I still had hundreds of photographs on my computer of ex-boyfriends. I never look at the photos; they serve no purpose whatsoever. Yet I've never taken the time to delete them. And really I'd never given any thought to doing so until I asked about a photo album in Clay's closet. He had to look to even know what was in it. It was photographs of his ex-fiancee and him from years ago, and I didn't like how it made me feel. And it made me think about how Clay would feel if he ran across the photographs, cards, letters, etc. that I've held onto for years from various ex-boyfriends. Granted most are in boxes at my dad's house ("storage"), but they aren't things I need to hold onto as I move forward.

Similarly until recently I've talked to Carter when he calls each month or so. While our conversations involve nothing inappropriate and I enjoy chatting with Carter, it doesn't feel wise to continue investing in a friendship with an ex-boyfriend. And it doesn't seem like the best way for me to care for Clay and our relationship.

It's cost me very little to make these changes/deletions; it's just taken a little effort and time, which is absolutely well worth it to help build a healthy relationship that leaves less room for insecurity and doubt.

p.s. I'm grateful for a weekend filled with time with my family and a growing friendship with my secretary.

What I'm Learning: Community

I've been cleaning up my Google documents and ran across something I wrote about two years ago and wanted to share part of it. It's a lesson that has been reinforced by my friendships in Chattanooga and as I've learned to give others the opportunity to serve me instead of always being too prideful to be anything other than self-reliant. Here's an excerpt of what I wrote during my time at Preston Taylor Ministries:

I am learning to depend on Christ in a way that I didn't think I needed to before--after all, it was easier in a middle class lifestyle with a safe home, generous pay check, and established routine to not depend on Him as much, feeling pretty self-sufficient. It's funny how a $400 a month paycheck, new environment and church home, and job in the 'hood made me remember very quickly who I need to depend on on a hourly basis.

Through this experience, I am learning how much I need others....their prayers, understanding, and love. I have been so humbled and blessed by an outpouring of encouragement, love, and support over the last few months; it feels very special to be a part of this community of believers.

I am learning what community really looks like as I watch two single moms combine forces and live together in order to just get by; or a single mom of three children take on two more upon their mother's death; or my new church family host nine homeless people every Wednesday night throughout the winter with people taking the time to really love and know the these individuals.

And I've realized how different this type of service in community is than just handing over a used coat or money--while handing over a coat is satisfying and helpful, it doesn't give us the opportunity to be transformed by Christ through those we are serving. In order to be transformed by Christ and in His image we desperately need community and relationships. Our creator made us for both.

In addition to increased prayer and reliance on Christ, I am seeing Him in the most unexpected places and people.

One example is Rick, one of the drug dealers who hangs out on our street. A few weeks ago a staff member's husband came to get something out of the building for her late at night. Rick confronted him, with a hand gun and all, wanting him to identify himself and explain why he was on Preston Taylor Ministries' property. Sure the husband was afraid and Rick's means might not be ideal, but Rick's immediate presence helped explain why our building has never been broken into, covered with graffiti, or otherwise messed with.

And if God can provide protection for His work and His kingdom through a gun toting drug dealer and redeem his actions, then surely He can use us for His kingdom too.

p.s. I'm grateful for friends like Chasie who encourage me to do wild and crazy things like try long layers instead of just getting my usual trim :) And so grateful for my friend Casey's wedding (and marriage) on Saturday.

Best Case Scenario

I'm not sure exactly why, but on Sunday it struck me that I never wonder if the best case scenario of a situation, specifically a romantic relational situation such as my relationship with Clay, will play out in the best possible way. Instead I wonder "what if he isn't who he says he is?" or "how could he possibly be this crazy about me if he really knew me?"

I never think "what if he's as fantastic as I think he is, and we're totally right for each other?"

It's as if I am mentally preparing for the worst case scenario, bracing myself, so that somehow it won't hurt if things don't work out. And in doing so, I'm denying myself the full joy of the present. It's a dumb, pessimistic way to live, and as I was doing my Bible study this weekend, I realized it was a failure to trust that the Lord will protect and comfort me and ultimately use all things for my good and His glory. My experience has shown me that God is always faithful, yet I try to preemptively protect myself. And in addition, to denying myself the fun, excitement, and hope that life offer, it makes it challenging for Clay to fully invest in our relationship. Sometimes he feels like I'm looking for a flaw and just waiting to be disappointed. And he's right.

Funny, I wrote a similar post about 18 months ago, and in reading that post and reflecting on how I felt then, I see that I'm making progress in this regard. And I'm reminded of how easy and mostly joy-filled this relationship with Clay is. It amazes me that I can spend so much time with him and not have my introverted, irritated ways come out at all. I feel so blessed. Yet another reason to be more hopeful, imagine the best case scenario, and be intentional about delighting in the Lord and trusting that He is in control and loves me more than I can fathom.

p.s. I'm grateful for my Bible study group.

A Good Laugh

I don't usually turn to Amazon reviews for laughter, but hey, I'll take it where I can get it.

Reviews #1 & 3 are my favorite so far.

p.s. I'm grateful that I'm going to Destin this weekend with my friend Chasie. I'm ready for a vacation! Yeah for a four day weekend! What are you grateful for today?

Quite the Summer

Life has felt overly busy and stressful of late, leaving me feeling distinctly non-blogorific. It's really been quite the summer--with some real bright spots amidst a lot of stressful not-fun stuff. My mom is sorting through my grandparents' estates, and I've been helping with that as much as I can. It's a TON of work; I wish there was some way to take that burden off of her, so she could just grieve.

I'm finally back to normal health-wise, which is such an answered prayer. I'm definitely much weaker fitness wise though, so for now, I'm mainly just walking a few days a week. Hoping to get back in the gym routine soon, although I do sort of like not being ravenous all the time, which is how I feel when I run a lot. Unfortunately I got the lab bill from my illness, and it's almost $800. Sigh.

I'm really swamped and feel so behind at work; yet again I'm struggling with work/life balance and setting boundaries.

The Lord is reminding me that I'll continually need to rely on Him--as I struggle with some of the same sins over and over. Sometimes I wish I could just strike a few off the list :)

On the bright side:

My sister planned a great 6th birthday party for my niece...complete with a huge water slide-slip and slide-end in a pool inflatable. So fun!

My (great) Aunt Rene turned 90! She's such a blessing to my family.

I'm still crazy about Clay and enjoying my time with him immensely.

I'm going to see Counting Crows in concert on Tuesday. Last week I saw William Fitzsimmons in concert, and Clay just bought us tickets for Ray LaMontagne.

Last weekend I saw two of my favorite people...Allison & Chasie came to visit.

So on a thoughtful note, what lessons (serious, funny, or otherwise) have you learned this summer? I've learned that even when things seem sucky, there's still such an incredible amount to praise God for that it's astounding. I've also (re)learned how yummy margaritas are. And I'm working on learning how to hope more fully.

p.s. I'm grateful for my blogger friends. I know this blog world seems crazy to a lot of people, but I'm glad for you all.

"It's Just Like You'd Said It Would Be"

"Lord Jesus Christ, I admit that I am weaker and more sinful than I ever before believed, but, through you, I am more loved and accepted than I ever dared hope. I thank you for paying my debt, bearing my punishment and offering forgiveness. I turn from my sins and receive you as Savior. Amen."

This is my prayer today but lifted from Tim Keller.

p.s. I'm grateful for answered prayers. My mom called this morning, and my grandfather stopped breathing last night. He's non-responsive and on a respirator now, but they'll remove it soon; he's expected to die within minutes of doing so. My prayer through all of this with Papa has been for the Lord's mercy, and I feel like God has answered that prayer with this peaceful, calm death for Papa. Praise God; He is so faithful.

"Now if she does it like this, will you do it like that?"

* "Shake It" by Metro Station has been on repeat for the last week. I can't help but dance.

* I think Clay and I have been on about 25 dates now, and it's been 90 days since our first date. He's crazy thoughtful and kind--flowers for no reason Monday night, a happy day card under my windshield wipers this morning (we're neighbors), and last week while he was in Vegas he asked me to look in the cabinet above his coffee maker--voila, a jar of peanut butter, a jar of marshmallow fluff, a 4th of July card, and Starbucks caramel macchiato truffles. He's been a real bright spot in what's been a less than ideal summer, and I'm really grateful for him.

* The lab results were negative for bacteria and parasites. I am, however, still getting sick several times most days. I thought I was on the mend after having two good days, but then my symptoms came back. I'm calling the doctor tomorrow to see what the next step is and am trying not to be too whiny about it since in the grand scheme this is so incredibly minor. It may sound dumb, but I'm so tired of not wanting to eat (b/c I know I'll get sick) and not being able to work out (b/c I think it's a bad idea given how often I get sick); those are typically two of my favorite things to do :)

* I booked a round trip ticket to Los Angeles today (for $200) to meet Ella who I've known through the blogosphere for 3 years now! Exciting! I'll head out her way in mid-September.

* I'm finally reading The Shack.

* My grandfather is still in cardiac-ICU and stable but obviously not doing well.

* My sister is pregnant with baby #3, and I'm so excited. So are my nieces. Can't wait to meet this baby; due date is in January though, so we've got a while.

p.s. I'm grateful for Panera cinnamon crunch bagels with honey walnut cream cheese and *peanut butter and marshmallow fluff sandwiches on white bread grilled in butter; somehow these two meals don't seem to make me sick and sound appetizing.

Cupcakes, Parasites, and Sunshine

Warning: If you're squeamish or say "TMI" a lot, you may not want to read this post.

It's been a crazy month with lots of good and not so-good things. As you guys know, my grandmother unexpectedly died a month ago. A week later I left for Nicaragua for two weeks. While I was in Nicaragua, I was sick for three days with diarrhea, and my grandfather (the widow) was admitted to the hospital and ultimately placed in cardiac ICU. When I returned from Nicaragua I tried working for two days, accomplishing little with constant calls and updates about my grandfather (and I drafted a will and various documents for him), so I headed to Macon to spend two nights there and be with my mom and aunt and visit with Papa. It was wonderful to be with them, and although I'm not paid when I take time off from work, I am so grateful to have a job where I can take time off to take care of much more important things. As for Papa, long story short he ended up having open heart surgery (and surprisingly surviving it thus far) and is currently stable.

My birthday: When I left my loft at 7:30 I found flowers and a beautiful box of a dozen cupcakes from my favorite bakery--Gigi's which just happens to be two hours away in Nashville--outside my door. Delighted, I headed back inside to begin tasting the assortment and packing up a few for my office. That evening Clay gave me a card and gift card to a spa; needless to say he really helped start my day off right. That night some friends, Clay, and I had dinner, then joined another friend on my roof for a delicious dessert she'd made for me, complete with singing, candles, and a Spanish birthday card involving a hamster.

Unfortunately my birthday marked the day the Nica sickness returned in full force, and I've been pretty constantly sick since then. Last night was so miserable that I made a doctor's appointment and am now doing a three day stool study, which is every bit as fun as it sounds, to determine if I have a parasite or bacteria. Please pray that it's bacteria because a parasite will be much more difficult to treat and get rid of (plus it's super gross to think about).

p.s. I am thankful for my Dad who I didn't do a very good job of celebrating this year but love very much. I'm also grateful for sunshine and the above-ground pool on my roof. It's such a perfect way to spend an afternoon.