I'm not sure exactly why, but on Sunday it struck me that I never wonder if the best case scenario of a situation, specifically a romantic relational situation such as my relationship with Clay, will play out in the best possible way. Instead I wonder "what if he isn't who he says he is?" or "how could he possibly be this crazy about me if he really knew me?"
I never think "what if he's as fantastic as I think he is, and we're totally right for each other?"
It's as if I am mentally preparing for the worst case scenario, bracing myself, so that somehow it won't hurt if things don't work out. And in doing so, I'm denying myself the full joy of the present. It's a dumb, pessimistic way to live, and as I was doing my Bible study this weekend, I realized it was a failure to trust that the Lord will protect and comfort me and ultimately use all things for my good and His glory. My experience has shown me that God is always faithful, yet I try to preemptively protect myself. And in addition, to denying myself the fun, excitement, and hope that life offer, it makes it challenging for Clay to fully invest in our relationship. Sometimes he feels like I'm looking for a flaw and just waiting to be disappointed. And he's right.
Funny, I wrote a similar post about 18 months ago, and in reading that post and reflecting on how I felt then, I see that I'm making progress in this regard. And I'm reminded of how easy and mostly joy-filled this relationship with Clay is. It amazes me that I can spend so much time with him and not have my introverted, irritated ways come out at all. I feel so blessed. Yet another reason to be more hopeful, imagine the best case scenario, and be intentional about delighting in the Lord and trusting that He is in control and loves me more than I can fathom.
p.s. I'm grateful for my Bible study group.
21 comments:
I would tell you to stop over-thinking...but it seems like you have already told yourself that;-).
So...um...what you said!
AM, I wonder how many times you've had to tell me to quit overthinking things? You'd be proud though...I've really cut back on thinking :)
I am with AM. Relax! Let go and Let God!!!! You've been missed in the blog world!!!
B: Thanks. I've missed you guys too. I wish it was simple as just relaxing sometimes, but I really think it's more about constantly believing and accepting the gospel and resting in God's love (instead of over-analyzing).
I can really relate to this post. Not really about questioning him, but worrying so much about the little things that I sometimes fail to enjoy the moment I'm in.
I think that we get burned enough times, that we almost want a guarantee when we start a new relationship. Only there isn't one.
TC: Exactly! There is no guarantee, but then when I think through it logically I know that God provided for me when I got burned or disappointed--and that I was just fine. If only my heart was logical :)
I'm glad to hear an update on you and Clay. :)
Love this post and totally relate. I used to always be the one saying "Don't get your hopes up" -- but more and more I'm thinking, Why not? What's wrong with being hopeful?
I am the opposite. I give 100% thinking everything will be great. I don't know why. I usually get burned pretty bad.
Glad to hear things are going well with Clay. It's so hard to not over think things and I'm guilty of that too.
Ooo, what an interesting, thought-provoking post! It really touches on some things that I've been kicking around in my head the past few days.
I'm not in a relationship, but when someone new catches my attention, it's easy for me to get my hopes up and imagine all kinds of best-case scenarios. That's the part I'm good at! And yet at the same time, it's hard not to expect disappointment, because experience has taught me that relationships will inevitably fizzle out before they get off the ground. Isn't it good to know that we serve a God who is "able to do immeasurably MORE than all we ask or imagine"?!
I enjoyed reading this post. I think it's because it's comforting to know someone else thinks this way.
For me, it's hard to trust the Lord at this issues. I always think, He has more important things to worry about than my relationships. But he does care, and he does want us to be happy. It doesn't mean that the relationship is going to work out, but he is working through the relationship, and we need to set back and let him work! It's easy to say, but hard to do.
I realized it was a failure to trust that the Lord will protect and comfort me and ultimately use all things for my good and His glory.
Weirdly, just yesterday I wrote the same thing down in my diary. Experiencing things slightly differently to you but the overall feeling is pretty much the same. I hope we can both learn to accept this truth :)
Ys: Me too!
OK Chick: Sometimes it's just hard to imagine a Father who loves us so much and cares about every last detail.
R8chel: Yes, it is. The Lord always exceeds my expectations. His plans are infinitely better than mine.
Pam: Thanks. Things are going so well...very exciting!
OK Dude: That optimistic outlook is great. I'm glad you have but sorry you've been burned :( I know how that can hurt.
Jennifer: Exactly!
Amy Beth: My pleasure :)
Welcome back. I thought you might be on a romantic blog-away! The beauty of all friendship is grace-filled, romantic or not. You will screw it up so just own it and rest in that grace overflow. I've been screwing things up royally for 15 years with my man and he's been doing the same. But we enjoy relationship b/c we love Christ, love grace and walk on together. Walk on, clinging to the One who paid for all the mistakes!
So glad I got to talk to you tonight! We struggle with many of the same things in this regard, but I know you're learning to be hopeful and I'm so happy about what God is doing in your life right now. Recognition is the first step, right?
Love,
A2
I love this kind of talk, Ally. :) Hope is a beautiful and terrifying thing...!
So true. Now to take your advice, because I'm an over-thinker too!
Ally, I just stumbled across your blog, and this post stopped me in my tracks, because it felt like I was reading a letter I'd written to myself.
Something that I've realized about myself (I'm not saying that it's true of you) is that when I begin thinking this way, my giant fear is not even about the relationship... it's that maybe God doesn't really care very much about me. Or if He cares, in His perspective He's doing good that won't ever look good to me this side of eternity.
I have to constantly remind myself that 1) He knows what seems good to me, 2) His goal might not always be my immediate happiness, but will always be in my best interest, and 3) He is teaching me good things through whatever process I'm in.
It sounds like you've already got those things down... but at the very least, I wanted to thank you for the post and tell you you're FAR from alone. :-)
Mamacita: You're exactly right. It's so much easier now that I realize I'm going to mess up all the time (and so is the other side of a relationship), but that it's ok.
A2: Definintely
Lib: And thankfully it's slowly becoming more beautiful than terrifying.
BK: Glad I'm not alone :)
Christina: Thank you for the thoughtful comment. I think that deep down that fear that God doesn't care or isn't involved might be the root of the issue. I like your reminders too. The Lord always exceeds my expectations (maybe not immediately but in the long run it's clear He's looking out for my very best), and I need to live in that truth.
It's so hard to get those type thoughts out. You can do it though...
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