Do you ever have periods of revelations, understanding, and growth that are so rapid that you're unable to process it all and reflect and write it down before you forget it (and then have to make the realization all over again--probably years later as a result of some different experience)?
The last few weeks my mind's "off" switch has escaped me, and I've been finding all sorts of pieces to the puzzle--some that I didn't even know were missing. I imagine I could write many posts from all that I'm discovering about life, relationships, myself, and other sundry topics, and I imagine the posts would take hours to write and would probably seem rather dull and introspective.
I'm also reevaluating the fit of some of the puzzle pieces, realizing I shoved them into place many years ago when I was a different person with very different beliefs. It's a slow and somewhat overwhelming process, but I'm beginning to reconsider some of my long-held beliefs. And while parts of my life have been transformed over the past few years as my faith has grown, this growth is more constant, rapid, and daily. And I suspect it's the result of the freedom of time and brain "hard drive space."
Although the last week or so has been very hectic at work because of the angel tree program I've organized and am now scheduling over 180 deliveries for (I can't wait for this to be over!), in general I've enjoyed so much more downtime. My days begin with a much slower pace, and my mind drifts to all sorts of things; and I actually have the time and desire to follow thoughts through instead of shelving them for "one day." It's such a luxury and a gift and a reminder that living an examined and intentional life has rewards that far surpass the effort to do so.
And as I question and consider, I'm reminded of this passage from Walden:
"...I had several more lives to live, and could not spare any more time for that one. It is remarkable how easily and insensibly we fall into a particular route, and make a beaten track for ourselves....how deep the ruts of tradition and conformity! I did not wish to take a cabin passage, but rather to go before the mast and on the deck of the world, for there I could best see the moonlight amid the mountains. I do not wish to go below now."
I like the image of standing past the mast, soaking in the moonlight and enjoying the view and pursuing God's best rather than the path of least resistance and ease.
p.s. I'm thankful for the super warm sherpa lined hoodie I bought from J. Crew with the money my dad gave me (early) for Christmas.