So the four day trip to D.C. with Carter has left me in need of a vacation. Thankfully a trip to the beach was already planned with a stay with my favorite friends from law school (with Carter is staying about 20 miles away with friends).
Long story short--the trip was disappointing to us both, and it's left me with some things to think about. While I hate that only one of the four days together in D.C. was fun, I guess I am glad to be aware of what some of our potential issues are sooner rather than later. Right now I'm thinking about whether these are issues I want to deal with or not. I'm wondering when you cut your losses and acknowledge that a square peg won't fit into a round hole as opposed to when you dig in and try, recognizing that you're not perfect and that relationships are work. I'm reflecting on how I "should" feel about someone after dating for six months, curious if an absence of that "in love" feeling is my answer or if it's a product of a more mature, balanced and less physically intimate relationship.
Have I mentioned lately that I hate dating? If not, please be assured that I do. I don't mind being single; I want to one day be married; but I hate dating.
Random details of our trip:
The drive to the airport included an argument about whether or not easy fit tapered leg jeans were in style five years ago. You can guess which side I was on:)
We missed our flight but were fortunate to pay only $50/each to be on a flight that left only one hour later.
For the very first time I met a blogger in person, and it was fantastic. Jeff and I met via Kimberly's blog over two years ago. Jeff and his wife had two extra tickets (and excellent seats) to the Baltimore Orioles v. the D.C. Nationals baseball game on Saturday night, so we met up with them at the stadium for a fun game. Then they showed us around the harbor and were kind enough to give us a ride back into town. This was a definite highlight of the trip.
Attended a very cool church service at Capitol Hill Baptist on Sunday night in which various members of the congregations (probably more than 15) prayed for different members, organizations, etc. in the course of one prayer. It was obvious that this church family was open, honest, and faithfully praying for one another and others throughout the world.
We got our hotel rooms in a great location at a 4 star hotel for only $80/night through Priceline ("name your own price"). I'm addicted to this website now; it's a bit like gambling. Carter booked me a room at a Doubletree (yummy hot cookies) in Atlanta not long ago for $50/night, and Carter has gotten me a room at the Grand Hyatt for $75.
p.s. I'm grateful that I have no plans tomorrow and am spending the day alone at the beach. Given how much not fun the last few days have been, the prospect is especially delightful.
17 comments:
Sounds like you have lots to ponder. I hope the beach proves to a place where you have enough space to think and feel and sit without having to move too soon.
Praying for you.
IM me!
I agree with seized by hope that I too am praying for you and hopeful that the beach finds itself a good place to think and ponder the relationship issues. Know that I'm here if you want to talk (I'm at my parents till the 30th).
But let me say this too. My dear husband was much more in love with me during the early months of our relationship than I was with him and I went through many months of questioning whether we were meant to be together too. However, in the end it was all apparent and I can't imagine life with out him.
But of course life and marriage are never what we expect they will be....nonetheless...as I've said... if you want to talk, I'm here. I'm glad that you've got some quiet time to think things through and I'm confident that no matter what you decide the right answer will come to you since I know you'll do your thinking prayerfully.
Betty
it was smilar for me as it was for the previous commenter - my boyfriend was much more in love with me at the beginning, I always as though I was just there hanging off his shirt-tails wondering when my feelings were going to engage. they did but it took a good year and even then there were moments when my heart just refused to open up to anyone.
Of course there's no way to know if the same would happen for you. I hope the beach and the solitude help you to put things in order in your mind and heart. If it's any help I was told by a girlfriend of mine that holidaying with a partner can be the most stressful thing especially early in the relationship.
I like your quote.
whether these are issues I want to deal with or not
Are they things that you can talk with him about? If so, earlier is better..
Hope your day at the beach proves to be what you need. Last week I spent a day at the beach, and it was pretty wonderful.
I know this was said above but I think it bears repeating - I too didn't entirely feel it at first. I know Magoo was way more into it than I was and I constantly saw issues and problems and worried about it. But somewhere I made a decision to stay and I did come around and am very happy for that.
I also realized that I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop and that I was being guarded because of it. I was convinced that I was not allowed to be happy so I was creating all of those issues above. Realizing that helped a lot.
Agreed that our time together on Saturday was fantastic and we really enjoyed spending our evening with you as well. Couldn't convince you to take the PCA plunge at Grace DC, huh? lol
For what its worth, we thought that you and Carter were great together on Saturday and could tell that he has a genuine heart for the Lord and for you. Its important that you recognize the work that goes into any relationship, especially the most important ones. Lasting relationships are based more on decisions towards each other and less on feelings about one another.
Plus, sometimes square pegs do fit in round holes :-)
Trips = always risky. Great opportunity for too much quality time. Also, I don't know how I would get that "in luv" feelin without some actual lovin.. interesting thought to ponder.
Above being said, there's nothing like some alone time after a trip to just get your senses back about you.
Finally, to me a relationship is like continuous dating. You think you know what you're getting but not really. Even though I've been married for some time, we still surprise each other now and then. Sometimes for better, others for worse.
Enjoy your weekend! - inc
Enjoy your alone time. Think about what you need to. Don't leave him hanging, make your decisions, and be at peace with them. Say hello to the ocean for me....
Seized by Hope: Thank you. I appreciate your prayers.
Betty: Thank you for sharing part of your story; it always helps to hear another perspective.
Ys: The solitude has helped me gain perspective and feel more calm. Now if I just had a clear answer!
Scotty: We discussed the issues that came up on the trip last night. They aren't issues that are just going to go away, although we can certainly work on how we handle them together. But like the quote says....
Anne: I appreciate you sharing about you and Magoo; and earlier I realized that I was creating issues out of fear; so that could be part of the issue; I'm just not sure.
Jeff: As always, I value your two cents. While I agree that decisions are a large part of what make relationships work, I think feelings are important too; and I've just been wondering if my feelings are what they should be--especially at this early part of the relationship.
Ivy: I guess that is part of what is fun and risky about a relationship--the always learning something new.
FC&F: I'm so glad for this day alone! I'll tell the ocean.
My pastor says EVERY couple will sometimes question their commitment...so you're normal (whew!)I hope God will show you His will as you are praying about things. My prayer in a past relationship was "God, you make it work or not work, but please also make me want what you want." Sucked to get that answer, but now I'm thankful for both our sakes. my mom wasn't sure about my dad at first either, but she knew that if he was "the one" it would work out. Not that romantic, but I can't argue with the result...they have been married for over 35 years. I think we put a lot of emphasis on feelings, but probably what makes relationships last is the effort, not the emotions. Anyway enjoy your time off to reflect..and trust God to be in control even when you aren't sure! (sorry i rambled so much!)
RU still at the beach? Did you get stuck in the sand?
I think there always comes a time in the relationship when you start to see through the "newly dating" fog. I think it is perfectly normal to be examining your relationship. Always be honest and open with each other in communication about what you want.
I hope you have a great time at the beach.
I enjoy your honesty about this relationship...we are all rooting for you!:)
It is funny how fickle we well-intentioned Christian girls can be! On one hand we want to honor God with our bodies before marriage but on the other hand, when dating a guy who wants to be equally as honorable, we get ansy and I know for me with my husband before we got married, I always got afraid he wasn't attracted to me or something since he wanted to be careful!;)
I hope you know soon where this relationship is headed! Keeping a clear head is good and you will be better able to decipher God's direction!:)
I'm sorry your trip wasn't what you had planned,- I have to agree with the commenter above who said trips are sometimes risky. It's a lot of time together, plus stress of travel. And when you've been dating a while, sometimes a persons quirks turn into annoying habits you could live without. Take some time for yourself, reflect on everything as whole- not just the trip. I know you will do this though, I suspect you have a very smart head on your shoulders. Take care and good luck!
p.s. I hate dating too.
The pastor, of Capitol Hill Baptist, Mark Dever, is a good friend of our church and has preached there a handful of times. He is one of my favorites : ) Hope you had a great time in DC! I love it.
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