but sometimes I do. And I don't like it. I feel melancholy and introspective, thinking about things I rarely ponder.
This afternoon I stopped by my new place of employment (a law firm) to fill out some paperwork, check out my office, and evidently get my first two assignments:) My first official day of work is next Thursday. Anyway, one of my bosses ("Mark") is a friend of sorts from high school. During my first two years of high school, I had to wait on my mom to finish work--so I'd sit in the lobby and talk with Mark and his friends for hours. We discussed philosophy, government, and all sorts of things; I would sometimes think so deeply that our conversations would leave me with a headache. But I loved the dialogue, these guys' minds, and their desire to talk about something beyond the usual high school stuff. They were unlike my other friends, and our interaction was largely limited to these conversations.
Mark was even the person who held my hair back the first time I got drunk and proceeded to get very sick (on a trip to London with our art teacher). He also expressed his affection for me on this trip, although I'd known about his crush for months. Of course, I had a boyfriend, and despite my love of our conversations, I've never been physically attracted to these types of interesting and brilliant guys (not sure what that says about me). So chatting with Mark today made me think about high school and just got me in a pensive and nostalgic mood that's lead me to examine all sorts of things (and listen to Counting Crows on repeat).
I remember how people used to say "high school is the best time of your life," and I always thought life must really suck if that's the truth. High school was fun, but there were so much emotion, turmoil, family drama, stupid choices, and not-fun-stuff. Life is so much sweeter and full of joy now; and a small part of the difference is learning how to not think so deeply and emotionally all the time. Learning that it's just a bad idea to put "Black" or "Anna Begins" on repeat and sit around thinking (and abiding by this most of the time). Realizing that I'm the common denominator in a string of less than ideal relationships. Accepting that everyone will let me down--and I'll let them down too; and it's o.k. (mainly because I have a perfect God who is always faithful). Seeking contentment instead of just fleeting happiness.
p.s. I'm grateful for a pretty new running loop (and that I even have the desire to run...largely in part to my new favorite song "Off Da Hook.")