Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Things You Shouldn't Say to a Pregnant Person

Pregnancy has been such an interesting experience for so many reasons--one of which is the change in how people treat me.  For the most part this has been a positive change.  For example, my coworkers and my mom frequently ask me how I feel and seem to genuinely care.  A few strangers have asked me when I'm due or congratulated me on expecting a child; I consider them brave as I'm always afraid of mistakenly assuming someone is pregnant which would be terrible for all involved!

And since my body has radically changed over the last 6 months it has received more attention from people than any other time in my life.  Fortunately most people are very kind and say the sort of things they probably think I would like to hear such as "You're all belly," "You're so tiny," etc.  The most negative comments I've received have been from two women who are overweight (and ironically carry their weight in their stomachs), and it's made me sort of dread being around one of them because I know that within five minutes of seeing me she's going to make some negative comment about my appearance.  It's a bit tempting to fire back with an equally ugly comment, particularly since these two individuals have been bigger than me for most of my pregnancy, and even when I'm not tempted to reply with snarkiness, I have no idea how to respond to such inappropriate, unkind comments--even though I may not necessarily disagree with them.  After all, just because something is true doesn't mean you should say it! In case you were wondering here are a few things you should NOT say to a pregnant woman (or any person for that matter):

"Gosh, you look like you've swollen up since I saw you last."

"I don't think you'll be able to wear that dress again."

"How much do you weigh now?" (if a close friend asked me this it's one thing but a casual friend in front of a large group = not very nice)

"You've gained weight all over." 

"That shirt sure is getting tight." 

"What are they feeding you?" (a man actually asked me this)

It's like good sense flies out the window because someone is with child! Thankfully these comments haven't really hurt my feelings so much as they have irked me a little, and regardless all of this is totally worth the immense privilege of having a son...this month! Only 21 more days until my due date and only 13 more days until my last day of work....what fun countdowns!

p.s. I'm thankful for lunch plans with friends.  Trying to do lots of socializing before Jackson arrives!


Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

I'm sitting here somewhat appalled that people actually said those things to you. I'm glad to hear you have thick skin, but I know a lot of women who get especially emotional when they are pregnant. Those sorts of comments can do all sorts of damage.

Ally said...

I guess some people just don't think....but it's just never a good idea to say something negative to someone about their appearance. And when you're preggo it's not even fully in your control anyway!

Anonymous said...

People always asking me "When is it due" and I am not even pregnant.

Ally said...

Ugh, I'm sorry. That's why I don't assume!

r8chel said...

My goodness! Some people have no class. :(