made a relatively important life decision that you knew seemed illogical (at least to most people)? I've been wrestling with a decision and realizing how suffocating (and liberating) it can feel to do (or in my case even contemplate) something that doesn't exactly make the best sense. I guess it's easy to fall into a cookie-cutter life and not to want to rock the boat or "mess up." Although I admire people who live less than traditional lives, I see myself making pretty boring choices.
I'm realizing more and more that my fear of making the wrong decision renders me inert. So I just don't make decisions. I've given thought as to why I'm so indecisive, and I think part of the reason is that I see so many options and know I'll be just fine with any of the options. For example, last night I went to dinner with my friend Jason and in my head this is what I'm thinking about the places we're to pick from for dinner (we needed something quick b/c Grey's was supposedly 2 hours; it was a rerun! Oh well more time for me to bake cookies:) "Well if we go to Panera, I'll have fruit, and that's healthy; but if we go to Firehouse, I'll get to try it for the first time; but sushi is good too, and I haven't had that in a month."
So I see what I'll like about all of them and know I'll be happy with any of the choices, and thus I honestly do not have a preference. Lame. I do not care. It's weird because I'm definitely opinionated about some things--issues that I think are important, relationships, eating at Red Lobster, and the like, so I figured this indecisiveness is a recent thing (I have a horrible memory so what do I know?). So I asked my mom, and she said that even when I was little I saw a lot of different perspectives and had a hard time picking one approach/choice.
So with the decision I'm trying to make now (and have casually thought about for months), I can't make up my mind. And yes, I've been prayerful about it, talked about it with friends, and am still waiting on God's e-mail with explicit instructions. But the bottom line may just be that I just need to make a choice, trusting that everything will be just fine (like what I claim to believe) even if my choice doesn't make the "best sense" to anyone else (or perhaps to myself).