One of the reasons this break-up has been so much easier than those in the past is because of my faith and how it has changed how I interact in relationships. For years the center of my life was me, and at times, my boyfriends became part of that center too. My attitude and mood vacillated in sync with these relationships, and it was incredibly painful when I had to let go of this central part of my life--gut wrenching, sobbing, cannot focus at work sort of anguish. It's the sort of pain that produces really powerful and moving lyrics ("Black" and "Anna Begins" come to mind) and poetry but is so unnecessary.
And as I adjust to the loss of this relationship with Carter, I cannot help but also feel overwhelmed with gratitude for my relationship with Christ Jesus. This relationship has transformed my life and has given me a center that is faithful, certain, unfailing, and hopeful. I can submit my disappointment to Him; I can trust that He has a plan for me; and my life isn't turned upside down by a break-up because my life has been centered around God instead of Carter or myself.
Here's the you tube video that has been wrecking me lately....I love reading and hearing about how Christ is transforming others' lives, and this video presents people's "cardboard testimonies." Feel free to share yours too.
First side: Didn't realize I was lost and broken
Flip side: Grateful and joyous to know Him
p.s. I'm thankful for the late night walk home from dinner with my friend Isabella. It's great to live close enough to restaurants to walk to them, and the weather was perfect for dining outside.