Sunday, April 29, 2007

"You're Like the Lotto"

I took Friday off from work, so that I could endure a hell worse than Walmart--moving. I'll spare you the details on how awful it was and how much my calves still hurt from climbing my stairs over 50 times. The morning started with my buddy Ivy driving the Uhaul for me back to my place. The idea of driving one of those trucks scares me despite the $50 worth of extra insurance I bought.

A few hours later my "day laborers" arrived. Several friends offered to help, but I sort of feel like I'm too old and make too much money (not for long:) to justify ruining anyone else's day. No amount of pizza and beer would have made moving all of my stuff down two narrow flights of stairs fun, plus I found out I could hire day laborers (and it includes workers' comp so I won't feel guilty about hurt backs, etc.) for $11.14/hour. The workers were late and finally arrived--one wearing what appeared to be black panty hose on his head. James and Kenyetta started off by asking me some basic questions. At one point James exclaimed that I was "like winning the lotto." I asked what that meant, and he explained that it was hard to find a woman like me who didn't have any children--and that you had to date an 18 year old usually to avoid them being a mom--and "18 year olds aren't that experienced." Hmm. Later Kenyetta said he has five children and asked if I could help him out with the back child support he owes.

Fortunately James was a hard worker, but his cohort was overweight and out of shape. So they took a quite a few breaks; one was to weigh themselves on my scales. James asked me how much I weighed, and I told him; then he noted that I "look a lot thicker than that." Gee thanks. Do you want a tip or not?

Even though I started boxing things up a week or two ago, I didn't have time to empty all of my drawers, etc. I should have at least boxed up my underwear drawer, but I forgot. So I'm standing there when they pull out my underwear drawer. Their eyes seem to enlarge, and later James calls me from downstairs. I go down to the truck, and he's holding a few Trojans in his hand. James says "I found these in your drawer [yes, my underwear drawer, which sort of makes me want to go wash my panties now], and I don't think you're going to be needing them." My first thought was "How do you know I don't have sex anymore?" But then James added that they expired in 2000! He was gracious enough to offer to throw them away for me, i.e. put them in his pocket for later use.

James and Kenyetta then wanted to play the "car game" in which they guessed which car in the parking lot was mine. They both guessed a silver Lexus SUV, and when I told them my car was the Toyota 4Runner, they instantly wanted to know why I didn't have rims. We then had an entirely too long conversation in which I explained numerous times in various ways that I'm not a rim (or car) person.

Toward the end of the afternoon, James told me that they were almost done with the "killing it room." I asked him what that meant, and he explained that he called the bedroom the "killing it room." He then said "I made your face turn red." Fun times.

Thankfully my brother-in-law Billy Bob drove the Uhaul for me and helped unpack it Saturday morning in about one hour. So all of my stuff, for the most part, is now at my father's house (yeah for free storage), and I'll be staying with various friends until my last day of work on May 9. I hope your weekend was more relaxing than mine!

p.s. I am thankful for my brother in law. He's strong and is such a good worker, and he's coaching my niece's adorable softball team.

24 comments:

brandy said...

Well, despite the 'killing it' reference and the weight comment, they do sound entertaining, and really isn't that what everyone looks for in a mover? ;) As for being told old to make your friends help you move... really?? I plan on making mine help me move for the rest of my life. Perhaps you are the better friend here. Or, I'm just the cheap one!

Ally said...

Brandy: They definitely kept me laughing, which is exactly what you need when you move. Maybe I feel that way about friends b/c my furniture is getting heavier--I would hate to mess up a friend's back.

Aaron said...

Now that was just too damn funny. Thanks for the laugh! I'd given anything to be there to enjoy the conversation... well, almost anything.

Okay, I just really wanted to see your underwear drawer... that's all. :P

Still just me said...

I think I would just toss the underwear all out and go shopping for new ones, but then again, I shop for new underwear for any reason.

Ally said...

Still Just Me: Thankfully I had taken all of the panties I normally wear out of the drawer for the next 10 days.

Aaron: Kenyetta and James could have used a good foreman like you!

icadle said...

I would comment but I need to take care of some business in the Kill'in it room.

e.b. said...

That is really too funny. They were like a comedy team who also does moving on the side.

Ruby said...

I hope you washed all your underwear and good luck with whatever you decide to do next!

You have inspired me to never get movers, my friends may not like this.

ella w. said...

At least your move was entertaining!

Jeff Price said...

I can't help but wonder what sort of Google hits you are going to start to get from this post, like "winning the panties lotto in the killing it room" I'm glad you are all moved into your free storage unit and I sorry to hear about the embarrassment. I'm sure your friends would have been more than happy to help you move, no matter how old they are. They also probably would have handled the drawer with your drawers a little differently lol

LeiselB said...

Freaking hilarious! I love it!

brookem said...

ha, wow, too funny ally! i cant believe he actually went through your undie drawer and found the condoms!

Princess Extraordinaire said...

Moving should be a four letter word....

Kimberly said...

That sounds like sexual harassment to me...creepy!

Kate said...

wow that's the best moving story i've ever heard. lol. hilarious.

Desiree said...

I hate moving! It's so much work.

Flat Coke and Flies said...

I'd have paid $11.14/hr just for the entertainment!!!

Trixie said...

movers are the way to go if you can afford it... its just so much easier.

i would go on a shopping spree and buy new undies.... :)

Clearlykels said...

Too funny!! That was great. Also, i am with you. I would wash everything in the undie drawer in HOT water. Also, your condoms expired in 2000. Too funny!!!

cdp said...

I'm loving this. At your expense, granted; but I did have a nice chuckle.

I.e. putting them in his pocket for later use. HEEHEE.

You don't know how much I needed these smiles today. You rock! And glad the move was successful, and is over! I hate moving!

cdp said...

ps, the Lord willing and the finances work out; and I'll be in southern Spain during June. How fab would it be to arrange a transatlantic rendezvous????? I will keep you posted! Hope your final days at work are going well -

Ally said...

cdp: It would be very cool to meet a fellow blogger from Macon for the first time in Spain:) Hope it works out for you.

clearlykels: Hot water and/or bleach is a good plan.

Trixie: PROFESSIONAL movers would have been nice...but they are SO expensive.

FC&F: I can give you their number....

Desiree: It's exhausting!

Kate: So an upside to moving is a good story, I guess.

Kimberly: You know it's bad when your own employees are harassing you.

Princess: I agree.

Brookem: I can't believe they admitted it!

Leiselb: All I could do was laugh.

Jeff: Lets hope so:)

Ella: True.

Ruby: It was nice not to inconvenience anyone.

e.b.: Even if they were unintentionally funny....

icadle: I'm staying in your "kill'in it" room this week....so needless to say nothing is getting "killed."

kathrynthomas said...

that post just brightened a very bland day. thank you for that.

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