Sunday, September 28, 2008

Krystal Square Off: Highlight of My Weekend

I've finally found something that tops arena II football. It's the Krystal Square Off complete with "bunnettes" (the girls who stand behind the competitors with flip charts showing how many Krystals each contestant has consumed), a professional announcer (who evidently shows up at most eating contests), and contestants with names like Hall "Hoover" Hunt and Rich “”The Locust”” LeFevre.

We arrived shortly before the amateur contest began with just enough time to play with the sumo wrestling outfits. The amateur contest consisted of several partners who raced to see which pair could both eat a sackful of Krystals first. The team that won was a husband and wife with their young child standing between them as they stuffed their faces. The wife actually finished her bag first. The announcer, who was tanned and wearing a suit and hat, said that these competitors were serving their country with each bite that they ate. He practically said that they were patriots, and I wanted to lead the crowd in singing that Lee Greenwood song that goes "I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free. And I won't forget the men who died (or ate the most Krystals as the case may be) to give that right to me."

A bit later the announcer introduced the professional eaters. Listening to their resumes was fantastic, although my friends and I seemd to be the only ones in the crowd finding humor. One contestant is a vegetarian who evidently gave up his convictions to participate in this event, although I guess arguably the slim grey stuff in Krystals isn't meat. Another is a record holder in eating date nut bread and fried asparagus. One crossed "disciplines" (he usually eats sweets) to participate in the event. Needless to say it was a fine display of American heroes, or at least that's what the announcer implied. Many of the 10,000 crowd members agreed. The announcer called the contestants "warriors" and compared one's bowels to a serpent. In short, it was hilarious.

The winner, Joey "Jaws" Chesnut, ate 93 Krystals in 8 minutes. I think he was the one who dipped his Krystals in Kool-Aid prior to consumption, but it was sort of hard to see (we didn't arrive early to snag good seats). All of the contestants seemed to dip the burgers in water before shoveling them in their mouth. And what's really gross is that people were vying to get the left-over Krystals that the competitors didn't eat, which surely had sweat, salivia, and water all over them.

Needless to say I'm applying to be a bunnette next year.

p.s. I'm grateful for silliness and random events like this that make me smile all day long.

17 comments:

Thomas said...

Similarly, I think I will apply to be a contestant on "The Amazing Race" next year.

DEb said...

I saw that and it was SO GROSS!

TC said...

All eating contests make me kind of ill. That's a LOT of food!

"I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free. And I won't forget the men who died (or ate the most Krystals as the case may be) to give that right to me."

ROFL Love the new lyrics :)

ella said...

What is a Krystal?

Ally said...

Ella: Sorry...it's like White Castles or mini square-shaped burgers.

Thomas: That would no doubt give you plenty of blogging material, although I wonder if they make you sign something to the effect that you won't blog it.

TC: Glad to make you laugh.

Deb: It was hilarious! But yes, gross too.

Flat Coke and Flies said...

I worked with a doctor last year that enters those contests. I read in the Nashville paper a few weeks ago he won a hot dog eating contest recently. Wonder if he was there? He's an Asian back surgeon.

Aaron said...

I'm expecting an invite to the next one!

Ally said...

FC&F: Yes, I think so. One of the contestants was a surgeon from Murfeesboro (I think); he's a part time male model and amateur body builder too, and when he was introduced he pulled up his shirt and caressed his six pack. So funny.

Aaron: Absolutely!

Ys said...

Haha that reminds me of a King of the Hill episode I saw the other week. I'd never even thought of dipping burgers in water to help them go down until I saw that episode!

Seized by Hope said...

Hilarious. I might have to come check this out if you actually become a "bunnette"....

Flat Coke and Flies said...

Ally--Dr Shibiyama (not sure if that's how it is spelled). I heard he and his wife are getting a divorce and that she is taking him to the cleaners. They just had a baby a little over a year ago. Probably TMI but I was just pointing out what a small world it is. ha ha

Pam said...

93 Krystals!? good grief! I think there is so strategy behind the whole dipping the food in a liquid. I usually catch the Nathan's Hotdog contest on the 4th (on tv) and they usually dip the whole hotdog/bun in water.


I saw some documentry once on professional "eaters." It was oddly interesting and icky at the same time. haha.

Thinking Thin said...

That just makes me want to vomit...lol.

Oh, the movie was good...it just wasn't what I expected.

HappyascanB said...

Omigosh, I totally watched this contest last night on television!! Not the best thing to watch right after a good run, though! It totally grossed me out!!

B said...

I work on a eating disorder unit I think seeing people eat that much food would 1 freak me out 2 be a nice change!

have a great weekend

bMoles said...

Did my boy Ed "Cookie" Jarvis happen to be participating? (You can reference my myspace blog from June 22, 2006 to read about how he became my boy).

Bone said...

Oh man, I'm familiar with Joey "The Clay Aiken Of Bacon" Chestnut from the Nathan's 4th of July hot dog eating contest, which I watch every year.

I love Krystal's, too. But I think my record is four.