Monday, January 26, 2009

BFF Application

It's a small world, and a few months ago I realized (through a random person I sat next to at a dinner) that my friend who is serving as a missionary in Ireland has a best friend who lives in Chattanooga. I Facebooked the best friend, asking if she'd like to include anything in the package I was sending to Ireland. Turns out we share some mutual friends. Fast forward to my NYE party and the tree burning party, and we realize that we have a lot in common; she suggested that we be BFFs, and I told her I'd send her an application. I've decided it'd be fun to actually send her one at work in an official law firm looking packet.

So I spent an hour "working" this morning, and here's part of what I have so far. I welcome any suggestions.

Note: Due to the high number of applicants for this position, I will not be able to respond personally to each application. If an applicant is chosen to be my, he/she will be notified within ten business days of the receipt of said applicant’s completed application.

My love language is words of affirmation (and quality time). Therefore please describe me in the following space.

Please fill in the blanks.

“Them baggy _____ _____ and the _______ with the straps, with the straps; she turned around and gave that big booty a smack.....”

“But it’s not all that easy so maybe I should just snap her up in a ___________ ________;
Pin her down on a _____________ ____________; I am not worried I’ve done this sort of thing before.” (I’m not going to lie. If you don’t know this song, and/or do not understand why it merits repeat play and analysis you may need remedial coursework before advancing to BFF status.)

“Gather ye __________ while ye may, old time is still a-flying.....”

“Sheets of empty ______, untouched sheets of clay were laid spread out before me as her body once did. All five horizons revolved around her soul as the earth to the sun. Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn.”

“I catalog these steps now
Decisive and intentioned
precise and patterned specifically to yours.
I'm talented at ___________
Especially _________
So that my chest will rise and fall with yours.”

I like ________________ more than television.

I like ________________ more than _________________.

I have a _____________________, care about ________________________, and think it’s cool that you are ______________________________.

Identify the films from which the following quotes were taken:

(1) “I SOUND MY BARBARIC YAWP OVER THE ROOFTOPS OF THE WORLD.” “They're not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they're destined for great things, just like many of you, their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because, you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? - - Carpe - - hear it? - - Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.”

(2) “I just don't think that Brooke could've done this. Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't.”

How many Christian, attractive, funny, intellectually curious, socially conscious, single guy friends do you have? _____

Name five musicians or musical groups that I should check out (p.s. I saw that you like Phil one else seems to have heard of him, but I was hooked on “True Love” for weeks.).

How do you feel about frosting? If you need to attach photographs, recipes, or additional pages, I understand.

What do you think about praying with friends? Do you ever pray out loud with your friends?

There are ten treadmills in a row numbered in order from #1 to #10. Treadmill #2 and treadmill #8 are in use. Which treadmill would you use?

List the following people in order from your favorite to least favorite: Paris Hilton, George W. Bush, Scooby Doo, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Oprah, and Eddie Vedder.

What would you think about a guy taking you to Applebees on your first date?

Who is your favorite poet?

If you were my BFF, how many times a week would we have to talk on the phone? _______

Are there any special awards or recognition that you have received that you think may be relevant to my consideration of your friendship? Attach additional pages if necessary.

Do you certify that the above is true and complete to the best of your knowledge? __ Yes ___No

p.s. I'm grateful to be attending my youngest niece's "Women who are important in my life" breakfast at her Pre-K in the morning. Fun!


Isabella said...

So, after reading this, I don't think I can pass your test! I may have to de-apply as your friend or take the remedial class :)

Ally said...

Isabella: You're grandfathered in! I love having you as a friend:)

HappyascanB said...

Wow, I'd flunk, too! In the question about her single, attractive Christian guy friends. . . . maybe adding that they be financially stable as well? :) I know when I was single, the ladies at the bank used to say they were accepting applications to date me, and that the applicant must include a personal financial statement as well. Ha!

brunettekoala said...

That's hilarious.

Dead Poets Society seems to come up a lot in this. Totally one of my all-time fave movies.

Aaron said...

Does it come on special letterhead?

Jennifer said...

#2 is Legally Blonde.

Go see Phil Wickham in concert. Now. Stop reading this and fly to wherever he is and hear him in concert. He came to my church! My CHURCH! And he was wonderful and I worshipped and it was wonderful. Go. Now. Cannons is my favoritest favorite.

Unfortunately, as a school teacher, I have very strong feelings about frosting, and they're not all in the pro-frosting arena.

Do I get bonus points if I describe you using words like "rock star"?

Oh, and it's a different Counting Crowes that's my favorite in the whole world. But you did list my favorite Pearl Jam song.

Ally said...

Jennifer: Nice work! Yes, bonus points for "rock star." Which CC song is your favorite? "Murder of One?" "'Round Here"? Ok, you've got me sold on seeing Phil Wickham in concert:)

Aaron: I am sending the transmittal letter on firm letterhead.

brunettekoala: One of my favorites too.

B: Good call!

Jennifer said...

Favorite CC song: "Goodnight Elisabeth"

"...we couldn't all be cowboys. Some of us are clowns..."

KennethSF said...

This is so funny--and creative. For effect, you should specify that the reply needs to be notarized.

Scotty said...

Ha! This, is hilarious :)

Ys said...

This is so much fun :) What a great idea!

ella said...

If she passes, does she have to enter a legally binding contract?

TC said...

I agree with Kenneth: notarized for sure.

Typo? If an applicant is chosen to be my, he/she

Don't you need something (like BFF?) after "my?" I just say this because if you're going to send it on letterhead and everything, it should be perfect.

Jennifer said...

You are hilarious. And I love that you exposed your diversity in movie tastes. Anyone who likes Dead Poets Society AND Legally Blonde is very cool in my book.

Cat_Chaser said...

Word favorite and dubya in the same sentence? I would use the word "loath" and throw in Rove, Dick and the posse.

Kimberly said...

This makes me think of that show where Paris Hilton was trying to pick a new bff...I hope you don't dump her after she jumps through all these hoops :)

Rachel said...


I'm totally applying.

Brandy said...

This is genius! It's so well done, I'm itching to fill it out myself. (I especially love the treadmill question.)

Ally said...

Brandy: That's one of my favorites too...b/c it's a question of character! Btw, I do not have any Canadian BFFs......

Rachel: I must admit that I want to apply too:)

Kimberly: When I started writing this I thought of that show--although I've never seen it. I won't dump her if she passes this test.

CC: I included some that I almost loathe--just to make it easy for her to order them....

Jennifer: Ha. Yep, diverse. And I want friends that run the gamut too.

ella: No but only b/c I don't want to be bound too:)

Ys & Scotty: Glad you like.

Kenneth: I added a place for her signature and a notary seal. Great idea.

Jennifer: CC is just so incredibly talented. Now that's a group that you need to see in concert.

TC: Good call. I fixed it.

OK Chick said...

HA! I love it!
The Cousin and I always joke about how we need new friends. I joke that I'm going to take a Wanted Ad for New BFFs. I might have to steal your application. :)

Kyla Bea said...

This makes me laugh - I want to apply! I especially like this question:

How many Christian, attractive, funny, intellectually curious, socially conscious, single guy friends do you have?