So as I mentioned on Friday the case settled, and I felt the adrenaline leave my body and exhaustion set in. The conversation with Oliver from earlier in the week also came to mind, and I realized that I would be seeing him over the weekend after all and not having a week and most of two weekends in Texas to adjust to the idea of us not dating, etc. And I just felt sad. All week I had felt pretty peaceful about it, thinking that if we're both seeking God and it's God's will for us to be together, then we would be--and if not, the sooner we know the better--so no big deal.
But I had also been in 11/12 hour a day work-mode with a 1.5ish hour a day round-trip commute, so I hadn't really been thinking very much about it. So I decided on Friday to let myself be sad for the weekend even though I sort of felt like I shouldn't be sad over something so small, particularly when I'm so incredibly blessed. But I extended some grace to myself, slept in, and thought and prayed some (and burned 30 plus Christmas trees and dipped pretzels and Ritz crackers and peanut butter in white chocolate, which is always a good time, right?).
I realized part of my sadness was that it seemed like my friend Oliver just wasn't the same since returning from the holidays, and I was afraid our friendship was going to be pretty different post-not-dating. Since he's been one of the three people I've spent the most time with since I moved to Chattanooga that just made me angry too--like somehow a handful of dates was going to mess it all up. I also felt a little irritated with Oliver and God--a sort of what is the point of us dating for a month or so?
Anyway, my neighbor, Oliver, and I ended up cooking dinner together Sunday night and watching DPS, and it was just as silly and fun as before. I am so glad. I've missed our ridiculousness and laughter.
I still feel a bit sad, but I think it's a combination of THIS DREARY, RIDICULOUS (where is the sun??!?) WEATHER, disappointing change with respect to not dating Oliver and this case settling, and just the January blah feeling that happens most years than not.
p.s. I'm grateful that my super-fun friend Sara is staying with me three nights a week for the next four weeks as she completes some med school requirement in the area. On Saturday I had been thinking that I wish I had a best girlfriend in Chatty to just hang out with without agenda, and voila God answered my prayer (for at least the next month anyway:)