Last night I decided that today would be a "snow day" for me, meaning an unexpected day off from work (since there is absolutely no snow in Chattanooga). Yesterday was a hard day. I didn't want to go to church but made myself, largely because I was supposed to go out to lunch with some friends (and their brother and sister-in-law who were visiting) afterward and a little because I knew I needed to go.
My heart is so fickle. I spent Friday night, Saturday morning, and Sunday night at "Inquirers Fellowship" at my church, which is a series of classes you have to attend before joining our church. As I sat in the class Saturday morning, I was so glad to be in the Word and learning more about God. But I had a conversation Saturday afternoon that reminded me that I was pretty irritated with God and how fallen the world is. It's silly, but hearing how another "strong Christian guy" mistreated one of my friends in a dating relationship just made me mad at God and how hard relationships are. And then I realized that I had developed some expectations of God because I've been "so good" in the dating arena. Yuck.
Saturday night was suppose to be a fun night with my neighbor and Oliver, but it ended up being not fun and a lot of serious conversation (about my neighbor's struggles). I think it made my "funk" even deeper--in part because we only talked about my neighbor, and I felt very unloved--as if neither of them care about what is going on with me (as neither asked me anything about me) and that feeling reminded me of how selfish and self-centered I am. And then I realized that I really need a best friend in Chattanooga. I'm blessed with some great friends here but not a go-to best friend, and I miss that and need it.
But more than that I need my heart to be softened to the Lord and to spend some time with Him. So today I'm resting, spending time in prayer and the Word, and enjoying the "snow."
p.s. I'm grateful for the latte I will soon be enjoying and job flexibility.