Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Would I Recommend Match?

Bone posed this question earlier this week in a comment, so here goes it.

My friend wrote the following about his experience on Match: "I would compare it to searching for a slice of hot pizza in a pasture. There's always a chance you'll find one but you're more likely to run into a thousand cow pies first!" Based on my three weeks (and a ton of hours) on Match, I'd have to agree.

Match reports that my profile has been viewed 2,278 times, which is sort of creepy. I've have read and deleted over 100 e-mails without responding (but for at least half of those I read their profile). Received a lot of "winks." I'd guesstimate that I have responded to less than 25 men, including one very attractive guy in Atlanta who wrote me three times because he was dumbfounded that I didn't respond to his emails ("I am surprised you did not write me back. Not to be cocky at all, but I get so many nice compliments about my profile. I would of thought you would of found it very appealing."). I could tell my lack of reply was making his head hurt, so I finally wrote back and explained why I wasn't interested.

I think that if I were not looking for a Christian whose faith is similar to mine, my Match experience would be very different and more positive. I'm ruling out all other faiths or lack thereof from the get-go--plus I generally will not respond to a man who indicates in his "My Date" section that he does not care what faith a prospective date is. I realize that may seem narrow, but if a man is willing to marry someone who doesn't share his faith then we believe different things about marriage and scripture. A lot of my e-mails back and forth with guys has been fleshing out their faith because in the South most people consider themselves a Christian, and it can mean anything from "I was raised by Baptist parents but have never personally practiced any religion" to "I'm a good person" (not what I'm looking for, btw) to "holy roller."

Of course, faith and religion are better discussed in person, and e-mail only makes the exchange of belief more cumbersome. But most of the guys I'm corresponding with live in ATL, Nashville, or Knoxville, so it's not like we can just grab a cup of coffee and chat. So in short, if you're fairly open and not looking for someone as specific as I am (you know, a Christian faith like mine, 28-37, athletic/fit, playful, preferably really tall, educated, decent writer, funny, intelligent, and so forth) then I'd recommend Match. And really, what can it hurt? One month costs $22, and there's a few guys I'd consider meeting. One has asked to take me out, but I'm sort of dragging my feet. I think I just need to make myself do it. It's hard to get excited about someone on a computer screen, I guess.

In other news, I made cupcakes tonight for a friend's birthday. I used a Betty Crocker fudge chocolate box mix because I worked late, and I must say....from scratch is really better than this box mix. The peanut butter frosting was yummy (Cream 1 cup of creamy Jif with a stick of butter; slowly add 2 1/2 cups of powdered sugar; at the end add about 3 tablespoons of milk or cream).

p.s. I am SO thankful for the sunshine today...and that I have a job where I can put on my running clothes at 3:45 and go for a 4 mile run. My boss didn't even blink when I came in covered in sweat; he just started telling me about some research he needs.


Aaron said...

With as much trouble as most people seem to have with "online dating" and the relative easy I met my wife there... I believe it's clear that was God's plan for us. (OR, she was desperate!) ;)

I would really be interested in hearing the math behind the 28-37 date range.

MaryFran said...

Stay firm in your beliefs...even though it seems as if it's a hassle! The right person is out there for you!!!!

HappyascanB said...

I'm jealous of a 3:45 4 mile run! That's awesome! As for Match, I am thankful you're being so selective up front. And honest with these guys. Crack me up at the Atlanta guy admitting he's surprised you've not responded. Go bark up another tree, dude. Stick to your desires; God will see you through! I'm living proof!!!

OK Chick said...

How nice. I wish my office would let me go run at 3:45. My office is located close to the lake, which is perfect for running. It would be wonderful if I could leave at 3, go run, and then come back to work. Oh well, I'm happy to have a job.

Well you Match sounds like an adventure. I think you should go out on the date with the guy. Is this cat guy? I always like to look at first dates as...friend opportunities. It might not work out, but you might meet a new friend. I only go out with guys that I think are marriage material, but so I don't freak out before every first date (which there's not a ton) I always think of the first date as a friend opportunity. Who doesn't like having new friends?

Last night I went to dinner with two couples. Yes I was the fifth wheel, and I was ok with being the fifth wheel. I have a great life, and blessed with lots of friends- married/dating/single. I’m ok with being single. Maybe marriage isn’t in the cards for me, and that’s cool.

Ally said...

Ok Chick: No, it's not the cat guy; it is a guy I've been e-mailing with for a few weeks. Sounds like you have a great attitude about first dates; I need to take a page from you. I'm going to lunch with a couple today; things like that don't tend to phase me either.

B: I definitely think it's more fair to get the "deal-breakers" out there in the beginning. Why waste a guy's time?

MaryFran: Thanks.

Aaron: Ha. I think it helped too that you had such a good attitude about it. No complex math, and I respond to people out of that range on occasion.

Anonymous said...

My husband and I met on I was in my early 40s and had never been married and was close to thinking I never would marry. Like you, I had a long list of "requirements." My husband didn't meet every single one of my requirements, but he met enough of them that I fell in love with him and he with me. We are very happily married. I wouldn't ever suggest someone "let up" on their religious beliefs, as that's very personal, but I would recommend that keep an open mind IF your intent is to meet someone, fall in love, and get married. I'm not saying there isn't anyone out there who won't fulfill all or much of your criteria, but we can really close ourselves off from meeting some great people when we place too many limitations. Just my thoughts for what they're worth.

Ally said...

Anon: Thank you for sharing part of your story. And I agree with your advice--I think almost everything other than a shared faith is a preference--as opposed to a requirement, but I could defintely be more open.

kathryn thomas said...

ha! yes. i have a friend who did the same things - a few months on eharmony, mostly to pass time, an experiment. she blogged about some of it also. pretty funny stuff. apparently, it's a whole different world, the online dating scene.

Aaron said...

While I don't really know you, we've "ran into one another" on a few other blogs. I've read your stuff ever since you commented on my site via RSS. So, on to the point, this one resonated with me.

I've been on Match since January and found zip, so don't feel alone. A few e-mails and winks on my part, a huge realization that I have self image issues and am reluctant to initiate - that makes Match worth it to me on its own.

Also, I want to say I feel it is good and right to have standards and to know what your limits are. I've set those for myself, before I have contact with the "cute girl who isn't a Christian". Know what I mean?

I hope you find your man - via Match or otherwise and I too am jealous you got to enjoy this great East TN weather!

Blessings to you.

~ AM in Ktown

Anonymous said...

Oh online dating, how I so want to be done with thee...

$22 for a month of Match? Dang, I was robbed!

I, too, have very specific things that I'm looking for and I will not back down from them, so I'm also saying 'good for you.'

I think it's important to be honest with both ourselves and potential mates when venturing into the online dating pool - and there are plenty of others in it with us, so we're bound to find the right men for us sooner or later, eh?

ella said...

Yeah you gotta narrow down your requirements. All I ask for is that he be male and taller than me. JK.

I think you need to give it longer than a month. These things take time and use it as an another venue to meet people. Last year I ended up dating someone who was not only younger, but only a few inches taller than me. Granted it didn't work out, but it made me see that I could find happiness in someone that wasn't necessarily my "type".

Ys said...

Online dating just scares me... I know everyone seems to be doing it these days but I just don't get it. I'm glad I met Ray in real life. Had to wait a good few frustrating years but he was worth it ;) I think it's cos, to me, it takes the fun out of dating/meeting new people. I like it that my friends/partners don't feel the same way about this, that and the other. I find that all the more fun. But then I like the pyschology of people so I find it all fascinating.

Saying all that I do love reading about people's experiences with online dating. Probably cos it's a world I'll never know.

Bone said...

Ah, thanks for answering my question :) That's sort of how I figured match would be. Anytime I hear (or read) someone talking (or writing) about it, it seems like an exercise in frustration.

So I think I'll hold off, for a bit longer anyway.

cat_chaser said...

"decent writer"

Does he have to write your blog/work material too? :)

Amy said...

If you ever decide to try eharmony, I strongly recommend it. You will be able to be more specific with your requirements and you will not get matched with anyone who does not fit that "requirement". It is a little bit more expenisve (I paid $110 for 3 months) but it was a good investment for meeting my soon to be husband. Good luck!

Jennifer said...

I completely agree with everything you've said. Online dating is something that completely works for some people. I am just not one of those people. I have friends who have met through traditional dating services and online as well. I have tried both match and eharmony more than once for each, and came up empty-handed, and a little bothered by the people on there.

Every married person and a lot of single people have dating advice for us singles. Have a specific list. Don't have a specific list. Do this. Don't do this.

I just keep my eyes open, talk to God about it, and keep going forward with His plans until the right thing happens, knowing that what I want from my relationship is an extremely tall order that ultimately, only God can provide for.