Wednesday, April 08, 2009

I Wish I Were the Verb to Trust and Never Let You Down

Last weekend I forced myself to have one of those uncomfortable conversations with a friend. I e-mailed him on Thursday about talking so that (1) I'd obligate myself to do what I needed to do and (2) to give him a heads up. I began by apologizing for not coming to him sooner with my concerns. I had been praying about talking to him since January but never felt a peace about talking to him (or not talking to him). Two weeks ago I was working on my Bible study when I realized this prayer request fell into the arena of "you don't need to pray about this because the Bible has already told you what God would have you do."* Even when I believe someone has wronged me, it's always my move to reconcile or repair our relationship. I'm not sure how that's escaped me for two months.

The conversation went well, and I said what I needed to say....and immediately felt a weight lifted. It helped that I went into the conversation with no expectations of my friend, realizing that I can only control what I do and say. And you know, these "awkward" conversations are becoming a little bit easier for me. And an upside of having them is that I spend a lot more time in the Word and in prayer in the days leading up to them out of my desire for the Lord's leading and wisdom.

One of the Match boys shared this last week, and I've made it my prayer several times since then. My favorite part is in italics.

"My Lord God,

I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."

~Thomas Merton~

** It's sort of like praying about whether you should be unfaithful to your spouse, for example. The Bible has made the answer to this clear, so there's no need to go ask God about it. He's already spoken.

p.s. I'm grateful that large drinks are $1 before 10 a.m. at Sonic.


W T G said...

Scripture indeed provides for all of our daily guidence. For me however, I need to pray for strength to implement what is written when my own weakness holds me back .... not to mention that a caffeine jolt of a large Sonic drink could also work in a pinch !
Wishing you all the best Ally !!!

Aaron said...

Thomas Merton is on Match? :P

Was this friend either your old crush or your neighbor?

Bone said...

Great point about praying about something we already have the answer to.

I like your blog because you're always writing about and dealing with things I can relate to.

I have never been to Sonic before 10 AM. Mainly because I can't stomach the thought of a breakfast burrito.

Ally said...

WTG: I often pray for strength and conviction....that the Lord will help me want to do what I should do.

Aaron: Ha. No monks (to my knowledge) are on Match :) And yes, this was the old crush.

Bone: I'm glad you like it....and yeah, I just stick with unsweet tea from Sonic. No food.

Ys said...

I'm glad you were able to find peace with the situation :) It takes a lot of strength to confront someone on their behaviour when you've been upset by it.

Mamacita said...

I'm gonna just call you sometime. This is sort of ridiculous! But, I wanted to tell you that I really like this blog (and the name of it too). I love when God makes Himself, thru Scripture, obvious. Recently, He's made a couple of yucky sins obvious to me and is teaching me to trust Him. These are heart sins that do come out but can be masked in (worse) self-righteousness. So this morning, I remembered his passage in the epistles (somewhere) saying that he renews us "by degrees" and it struck me how hard that is to feel (I mean, it takes about 10 for me to see a difference outside!). So, take heart. I'm very proud of you! I hate uncomfortable conversations...

BTW, did you know Sonic is 1/2 price drinks between 2 and 4. Route 44 diet cherry limeade is my drink of choice. Very healthy!

Pam said...

I've always had issues with comfronting people with things that bother me. In the past I always kept them bottled up and it ate away at me. I've been slowly trying to do better and have prayed extensively about it. What I've found is that most are actually open to discussing these issues and not resistant or angry as I once imagined. Being a so-called "people pleaser", that's been my biggest fear. Anyway, the point of this rant is just to let you know that you are not alone in that journey.

OK Chick said...

I'm glad the conversation went well. Sometimes, we make those conversations worse than they really end up being. I understand, the uncomfortable conversations with a friend. But, I think Satan puts doubts in our head which causes us to put off the important conversation.

Ally said...

OK Chick: Definitely....If I would just do it (instead of thinking, trying to decide, and agonizing about it), it would be much easier...because really all it is is a conversation. And yep, Satan does all he does to keep us focused on ourselves, our comfort, etc.

Pam: Thank you! I'm glad you're praying--the Lord can definitely give you courage, strength, and wisdom to share all of who you are with others (even the things that hurt you).

Mamacita: You should definitely call me; I'd love to meet you. And like you, I love it when God makes things and Himself obvious b/c Lord knows I'm oblivious half the time and need all the help I can get. And yes, I know about happy hour--sounds like I need to try out your drink.

Ys: Thanks...yes, I'm always afraid I'll cry and then not be able to talk.

L.C.T. said...

I cling to those words in italics often :)

Isabella said...

Love, love, love that prayer...thanks for sharing it.

P.S. Love, love, love you too.