Sneaky Skinny Jeans and Whatnot

So to follow-up on this post I ended up wearing heels, black pants, a slightly sparkly gray tank, and a black long sleeve top that tied in front. I found a really fun cocktail dress, but I was cold wearing jeans, three layers on top, and boots indoors on Saturday; so I knew a dress would have distracted me from a good time. And I would have been way more dressed up than my friends, and unlike some of you who commented, I do not like being overdressed. In fact, I'd generally rather be underdressed than over--at least in social situations (professional matters are different). I think that may be an issue of pride--not wanting to look like I am trying too hard, and of course, wanting to be as comfortable and warm as possible. Oh, check out my friend's three piece corduroy suit from Goodwill. He actually wore it to work one day.

And here's my latest e-mail exchange with my dear friend Chasie who watched and advised during my fashion show of the clothes I bought/might keep on Saturday afternoon:

I wrote: Ok, so you know the skinny jeans that are thinly disguised as "barely bootcut" jeans? Another downside: if you're at someone's house and take off your boots (or at home with a cute boy and take off your shoes), you then look like a fat cow!

Those skinny jeans can't sneak one by me!

Love you,
A

Chasie replied:

Haha. I'm literally LOLing. You are hilarious. And I imagine you are absolutely correct that they don't work as well without the boots. But I'm sure you don't look like a fat cow... absolutely sure.

I'm glad you're a lawyer and smarter than skinny jeans,

youarehotevenifyoureafatcow

p.s. I'm grateful for friends who tell me I'm hot even if I do, in fact, look like a fat cow (or pear as the case may be) in sneaky skinny jeans.

If You Can? Seriously?

When I have a less than stellar week I can't help but think about how good my life is because even in a bad week there's just so much greatness--you guys and your helpful comments/links to help me dress myself (will post on that later), rest, "The Resolution" by Jack's Mannequin (which helped me run the fastest three miles on a treadmill I've run in at least 2 years), my lovely Christmas tree, a visit with Chasie, and a solid group of friends to just name a few.

I think the worst part of this last week was the letter I received from Humana, denying my request for health insurance. I had a physical two weeks ago as part of their application process, and the results from my urinalysis are abnormal. I've been told by friends who know more than me about this stuff that a retest would likely render normal results (as these results may be caused the by hard workout I had the night before that the company should have advised me not to do prior to testing--or just be a fluke since my levels don't indicate any clear medical problem). SO here I sit with no health insurance, and now I have to tell other insurance companies that I've been denied by another company for abnormal test results. This health insurance drama began back in August as I tried to wade through the ridiculousness of determining what policies exclude, hide, and otherwise say to confuse their potential insureds. Granted, I should have begun this process 2 months before my other insurance ended. And I should have been more aggressive about COBRA and so on and on. But darn, I'm in shape, have no health issues (other than these new lab results), and do not use tobacco and go to the doctor once a year for my annual appointment and take one prescription drug ($29)a month. ARGH!

So this week I did have health issues (but that would not cost a potential insurer a penny!)...I had a sore throat Sunday-Tuesday and then a weird stomach bug that began on Thursday and seems to be almost over. I'm paid by the hour (which is why I have this health insurance fiasco--but also have awesome flexibility), so I tried not to stress about the fact that I worked like 10 hours this week and just rested and slept a lot. And I'm grateful to be feeling much more normal now.

A bottle of salad dressing slid out of the refrigerator and burst all over the floor.

It took me 20 minutes to find my car at the mall yesterday, and it was 40 degrees and I had lots of bags and felt like I was losing what little bit of mind I had after two days of chewing Pepto Bismol tablets and sleeping.

I spent $800 on new tires on Thursday. That's a lot of money, but it only sort of sucks since it's the first time I've had to buy tires for this vehicle, and it's over 5 years old (80k miles is pretty great).

I haven't been able to focus all week. I've been watching or rather trying to watch Freedom Writers since Monday night; now I'm about half-way finished.

Sometimes I feel like life is way too complicated. Seriously how are we suppose to do all of this? I need to find health insurance, schedule bill payments, get groceries, cook, go to Bible study, call people back, do laundry, rest, journal, read, volunteer, sort through mail and tax stuff, finish this overdue research assignment, respond to work e-mails, submit my time, take clothes to Goodwill, get the hem fixed on those pants, take my dry cleaning, and so on and so on. Am I the only person who thinks moving to another, more simple country might be the answer? Argh, instead I think I'll just listen to "O Holy Night" one more time and gaze at my tree and journal and reflect on the scripture we studied this morning.

In the ninth chapter of Mark there's a boy who suffers from muteness and seizures. His father brought the boy to Jesus, explaining the ailment and saying to Jesus "'But if you can do do anything, have compassion on us us and help us.' And Jesus said to him, 'If you can! All things are possible for one who believes.' Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, "I believe; help my unbelief!"

So none of this "if" crap. I'm counting on God this week. If He can lead a sinner like me into walking with Him and rejoicing in His holiness, then He can surely help me with these feelings of being overwhelmed, unfocused, and wanting to just sleep until my to-do list does itself.

p.s. I'm grateful for the hours of laughter we shared last night. I cannot even explain how ridiculous Oliver, my neighbor, and I are when we get going, but it's just good. It's really good stuff.

Not a Girly-Girl

Sometimes I think life would be easier if I were a girly girl...or rather getting dressed would be easier. I have friends who daydream about outfit combinations, wear skirts in the middle of the winter, and wear shoes that are admittedly uncomfortable. I, on the other hand, wear pajamas whenever I can get away with it and just generally do poorly in this arena.

So....my friends and I are going to a party on Saturday night that is cocktail attire, although a friend said that last year some people had on jeans. If this party were in the summer or even the early fall, I'd wear a cocktail dress. But alas the party is this weekend, and weather.com predicts temperatures much too cold to wear a dress comfortably. I realize that I will be inside and that it may be warm enough, but I sincerely doubt it. I am the girl who wears heels to work and then puts on socks as soon as she sits in her chair. I am the girl who always wants a blanket and wears her wool coat around the office for the first hour after I arrive. So what do I wear? I'm hoping some of you girly girls can send me links and suggestions. I know I'll need accessories, and I've been working hard in this department.

Times like this are the only times I miss my old (crazy) roommate. She was so good at this stuff and could use our collective closets to put together fabulous outfits in no time. I don't have her gift, but I hope one of you does! And don't get me wrong...despite wanting to wear pjs all the time and not being good at this, I like feeling and looking cute; I'm just bad at it.

Happy Wednesday!

p.s. I'm grateful that my sore throat seems to be going away.

I Belong in the Service of the Queen (or at least to go on a date, right?)

I've not written about dating since my break up with Carter in June simply because there has been nothing to report. Sure I have a crush, which is exciting to me, but I'm 30 years old and probably need to stop gushing about the guy who has not asked me out (a.k.a. the crush). On the flip side, I struggle with pridefulness and thus not letting myself hope, so I think it's sort of good to crush someone (whose feelings only indicate friendship) and to hope (that maybe something more than friendship will emerge). I think there will be more on the crush next week; Accidentally Me and I may have a debate about our differences of opinion on the matter.

Speaking of Carter, he calls at least every two weeks it seems (which is less than he was calling just two months ago). I like Carter and think he's a great guy, but for whatever reason, I have almost no desire to talk to him. I've gotten in the habit of deliberately waiting days to call him back, hoping that he'll get the hint. I hope that doesn't seem ugly b/c Carter is important, but I don't want an hour long phone call/twice a month friendship with him. It makes me feel like my feelings are a bit light switch-ish, but I just don't see building some great friendship with an ex-boyfriend.

This week I went to lunch with two co-workers and met three men in passing. One was near my age; another was late 30s, and the third was 50+. Which one do you think texted my co-worker to inquire about me within minutes of us leaving the restaurant? Yep, you guessed it. The one closest in age with my father wanted to know if I were single, etc. This 53 year old seems to hate rap music, so my co-worker was going to text him back that my favorite song is the rap song about apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur, which now that I have checked it out, I realize is a great song. So fun.

My (younger) boss overheard this conversation and chimed in that his brother-in-law who I was reintroduced to (I knew him as a child) this week was also interested in me. All I know about the BIL is that he's 29 and lives in my hometown. Hmm.

Thankfully I'm feeling really patient with my lack of dating and whatnot, but part of me thinks I should be making more of an effort and doing online dating like everyone else....maybe in January.

And on that note, I'm going to get to work (from a cute coffeeshop in downtown Chatty). Hope your Friday is splendid!

p.s. I'm grateful for all of your votes on the last post; it was fun to read your thoughts and to hear from some new bloggers.

Ally for President

Two months or so ago we had picture day at the firm. Of course my (male) boss gave me almost no notice, so (1) I happened to be wearing a tee shirt, (2) had an overdue appointment to get my roots done the day AFTER the photo shoot, and (3) had not decorated my office yet (I need a wife). Now I'm supposed to pick a photo to go with my bio; here are a few of the thirty photos of me. Do you know how ridiculous I felt during this process? Feel free to inform me of your choice and/or make fun. The photographer can crop and sprinkle fairy dust on my pick.

Photo # 1: Your attorney is also an aspiring elected official. She loves her country!! Therefore you should hire and/or vote for her.

Photo #2: Aw how sweet, your attorney can tilt her head.




Photo # 3: You don't have a what? What does a camera lense have to do with the price of tea in China? I don't get it.




Photo #4: My arms are crossed. I mean business. Power lawyer. Or not. (That window now has drapes.)


Photo #5: Your attorney can't find a good photographer. Oh, and she works out at the Rush (see the attachment to her car keys beside her Razor).








Photo #6: The one black and white the photographer randomly threw in the mix...with my secretary's head on the left side. Nice touch.








Photo #7: Like many professionals, I often perch on the side of my desk while working. When I'm serving you, we'll be in close communication!


p.s. I am grateful for apple cider. It's finally really cold, and it's nice to drink something warm.

Smile Like the Sunrise

• I just deleted a few catty comments about The Hills. It's just too easy, and the real issue is why I watch it if I feel the way I do.


• Is anyone else as excited as I am about Thanksgiving? Does a holiday get any better than the celebration of gratitude and food? I've already had two Thanksgiving meals this month plus my friends are having a pre-Thanksgiving meal on the Tuesday before and then two meals on Thanksgiving day....it's a lot of eating, but someone has to do it:) What does your Thanksgiving menu have to include? My non-negotiables are turkey, dressing, bread, and sweet potato casserole (with lots of crunchy brown sugar/pecan topping).


• I love shopping online especially since I get free shipping at Old Navy, Gap, and Banana, but this vanity and/or mis-sizing has got to stop. I'm 5'6, weigh 130 pounds, am medium-boned, and am not flat-chested. I should not need an extra-small. I never know what to order anymore because sizes keep on getting bigger and bigger. Three of the four things I received from J.Crew today are too big (and I ordered a small). Ridiculous. Of course, given the preceding bullet that may change in the coming week:) But seriously what are my 5'2 small boned friends suppose to wear? Kids clothing? Are they going to come out with negative sizing next?


• Finally I can listen to melancholy songs on repeat for days and days and not get sad. This has seriously increased the quality of my listening, and I've not busted out City High in at least 5 days.

p.s. I'm grateful for opportunities to try new things....today it was a cardio-sculpt class, my first Motion to Compel hearing, a rice-fennel dish, sweet potato bars (with cake mix, white chocolate, and oats), and some $2 earrings from Charlotte Russe.

We Flying First Class Up in the Sky

I had lots of work firsts this week. Here are a few:

(1) I took a day trip to Texas in my client's plane; it was the first time I'd ever flown non-commercially, and I seriously prefer skipping (1) Atlanta traffic, (2) security, (3) parking, and (4) mediocre airplane food and service, and (5) sitting around and waiting in the airport. Having a private terminal, two pilots at our beck and call, much more space, a rental Navigator waiting 20 feet from our plane, and catered meals is really much more my style:) Ha. Downside: no restroom on the plane. There was a funnel, however, for emergencies.

(2) A client explained to me how important sex was in a marriage and how he couldn't blame his children for having premarital sex. I just listened for a while, but then of course, I opened my big mouth and said that I was cool trusting God with my future marriage (and sex life) just like I tried to trust Him with every other part of my life. I also noted that some of my married friends could vouch for the fact that premarital sex is not always the best predictor of marital sex. He told me that I was probably missing out on a lot of great future husbands and fathers by refusing to have premarital sex.

(3) I was grilled by two of my clients (and in front of my boss) about my love life or lack thereof. "How old are you? What, you're really 30?" "You really don't have a boyfriend?" "Do you realize the longer you wait, the fewer people there are going to be for you to marry?" "What are you looking for in a husband?" "Well, what else are you looking for?" "Do you realize how important genetics are?"

(4) Another client explained to my boss and me that she wasn't taken seriously by some men that we had met with because she didn't have a "camera lense." I said I didn't understand. She and my boss just looked at me. Then she said "I don't have the correct anatomy." And I said "I still don't understand." And then it hit me. Am I stupid? I never would have put a camera lense and male anatomy together on my own.

Anyway, after waking up at 4 a.m. to fly to Texas, spending the day there, returning, driving to C-town, running 6 miles, and shopping at Walmart, it's bedtime. May the weekend begin. Hope yours is delightful. And if you had any firsts this week, I'd love to read about them.

p.s. I'm grateful for 24 hour stores, so that I can get my grocery shopping over with and have food for breakfast without getting out in the rain.

Loving the Unloveable and Miracles

Forcing myself to resolve conflict rather than avoid it has been one change that is partly a result of my faith; trying to love the unloveable is another slow change that has resulted from my commitment to Christ. I've had a heart for difficult children for years, but difficult adults have been another story. After all, who wants to put up with an annoying, obnoxious grown-up? Not me. It's easy to think "She has no excuse; she is an adult."

The problem is that as Christians we're called to love these people as ourselves. Unfortunately there is no caveat for those who have personalities that make us want to kick them, punch them in the face, or otherwise express our dislike. And I've come to believe that avoiding them is not always the right answer either, although I sometimes wish it were. My path has recently been crossed by someone who has been rather disagreeable. He talks too much, can be rather self-centered, is demanding and needy, and happened to drink entirely too much; on the flip side, he's straight-forward and real, game for heavy conversations, and funny. And he's also clearly been wounded and unloved and rejected over the years. His pain is obvious. We've fallen into an odd friendship that has been exhausting me. I've had to rely on God to give me strength, patience, and grace for this man. I've failed often as I've been snarky or short with him or internally ugly as I've encountered him one too many times in a week. As I've considered why my time with him is sometimes so frustrating, I realize it brings out some of the worst in me---my impatience, intolerance, selfishness, and arrogance. I hate being confronted with the sin that festers in me, and I hate that because of this man others are seeing it too. God has been stretching me, and it's uncomfortable.

At the same time, it's gratifying as I've probably never had anyone be so grateful for my friendship. I'm not sure many people have felt as loved by me as this man has. And last week my prayer (and many of my friends') that this man would know Christ was answered, and I've never seen such a quick and radical transformation in another person. His misery and bitterness has seemingly overnight been replaced with joy and hope. It's been incredible, and honestly I've had a hard time believing it. Isn't it crazy to pray for something big and then not believe it when it happens? As much as I want to believe in a God that big and powerful, this experience has shown me that I'm not quite there yet.

p.s. I'm grateful for coffee...the different flavors, decaf, the feeling of holding a warm cup in my hand, the way it makes a conversation even better, and the romance of it all.

Conflict Resolved

For at least the past ten years one of my struggles has been how I handle interpersonal conflict. I'm often tempted not to handle it and/or let it eat away at me to the point that it's my primary focus. It's seemed odd to me that this is so difficult for me given that (1) most people regard me as a straight-shooter who calls it like it is and (2) I'm an attorney and have generally been happy to go to bat for others and with regard to non-inter-personal things like consumer issues, etc.

Over time I've realized that there are several obstacles between healthy conflict resolution and me. Carter pointed out one issue--some of my early attempts at handling some family matters blew up in my face and were very painful and disappointing, thus it's logical that I avoid it now. For years I struggled with the sadness associated with this conflict and finally dealt with it in college with the help of a therapist. At the end of therapy, I spoke with the family member about how difficult it had all been for me, and I was given the awful "I'm sorry you feel that way" line which basically just means "whatever." Needless to say that negative experience helped make me gun-shy.

I think another obstacle is my pride. I hate needing anyone, being vulnerable, and admitting that I may have (gasp!) illogical feelings. After all a dispute with AT&T over a phone bill isn't going to cause tears, pain, or require that I admit that I'm hurt--that you can hurt me.

So over the past few years, I've forced myself to tell people when they hurt my feelings. It's been challenging for me, but I think I'm so much better for it. And it's getting easier.

This latest conflict was something that I would have ignored in the past--and just resulted in me avoiding the offender, but given that I'm trying to live in Christian community and do unto others as I'd have them do unto me (and Lord knows, I hurt people's feelings without realizing it and need to be told so I can avoid it in the future), I confronted him about his unacceptable behavior. We had a good conversation, and he took complete responsibility for his actions (and even contacted my friends who were there to discuss it with them) and asked for my forgiveness. So now I've yet another positive experience with conflict resolution.

In other news, we had a fun Halloween party on our roof last week complete with a fire. Not many people get to have fires on their roof:) Here's my best pirate face. Unfortunately the roof was too cold to wear my pirate skirt (and really do pirates wear skirts?). I also drank my very first po'mosa (poor man's mimosa--Miller High Life & orange juice....and surprisingly not bad, particularly since I hate beer). Saturday was a trip to Nashville with friends to see William Fitzsimmons in concert, play frisbee in the park with Brian, and have dinner (and yummy mojitos) at Rumba with Isabella and Chasie. Fun, fun, fun!

p.s. I'm thankful that my boss offered to let me stay at his mountain cabin (complete with a waterfall in the backyard!) this weekend.

It's Monday...

and somehow a really great weekend only makes it more difficult to return to the working world (and further reiterates my desire to have a large trust that would not necessitate gainful employment). But at least I was greeted by this Facebook friend request this morning:

"Ms. Esq it's 3:00 am add me to your list or else! I find threats to be very effective. Btw I do know where you stay ho, so add me!!!!!!!!!!!!!111.".

How can that not make me smile?

In other news, I made the best cupcakes I've ever created for my friend's birthday on Friday. Chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting (I could just about live on these they were so yummy)--and for the more traditional eaters, I made butter cake with cream cheese frosting. We celebrated her birthday with a dance party, which slowed down when a cop showed up around 1:30. It was so much fun to dance at someone's house without the grossness that usually accompanies a good booty shaking (Although I did have a guest very inappropriately hit on me, for lack of a better way to put it, and for the first time instead of avoiding the person, I'm going to talk to him about it. He needs to realize how incredibly unacceptable his conduct was, and since we attend the same church I feel more of an obligation to confront him. Not looking forward to this conversation).

Since I didn't go to bed until 6:00 a.m. I slept in, and then we went hiking and watched the paragliders take off and fly around like birds. Gorgeous day, leaves, views. Ended the day with dinner with friends and more late night conversation--this time curled up on the balcony under blankets. It's a good life.

p.s. I'm grateful for my family's visit on Friday. Took my nieces to the Discovery Museum, and my mom and sister made major headway in decorating my apartment while we were gone. I am soooo glad to finally have some of that done; I like what we did with my hall so much that I might even post photos.