Always Looking for a Way to Waste Time (evidently)...

Start your week off with a fun time-suck :)

p.s. I'm grateful that I fought the urge to hibernate all weekend.

Triste

So as I mentioned on Friday the case settled, and I felt the adrenaline leave my body and exhaustion set in. The conversation with Oliver from earlier in the week also came to mind, and I realized that I would be seeing him over the weekend after all and not having a week and most of two weekends in Texas to adjust to the idea of us not dating, etc. And I just felt sad. All week I had felt pretty peaceful about it, thinking that if we're both seeking God and it's God's will for us to be together, then we would be--and if not, the sooner we know the better--so no big deal.

But I had also been in 11/12 hour a day work-mode with a 1.5ish hour a day round-trip commute, so I hadn't really been thinking very much about it. So I decided on Friday to let myself be sad for the weekend even though I sort of felt like I shouldn't be sad over something so small, particularly when I'm so incredibly blessed. But I extended some grace to myself, slept in, and thought and prayed some (and burned 30 plus Christmas trees and dipped pretzels and Ritz crackers and peanut butter in white chocolate, which is always a good time, right?).

I realized part of my sadness was that it seemed like my friend Oliver just wasn't the same since returning from the holidays, and I was afraid our friendship was going to be pretty different post-not-dating. Since he's been one of the three people I've spent the most time with since I moved to Chattanooga that just made me angry too--like somehow a handful of dates was going to mess it all up. I also felt a little irritated with Oliver and God--a sort of what is the point of us dating for a month or so?

Anyway, my neighbor, Oliver, and I ended up cooking dinner together Sunday night and watching DPS, and it was just as silly and fun as before. I am so glad. I've missed our ridiculousness and laughter.

I still feel a bit sad, but I think it's a combination of THIS DREARY, RIDICULOUS (where is the sun??!?) WEATHER, disappointing change with respect to not dating Oliver and this case settling, and just the January blah feeling that happens most years than not.

p.s. I'm grateful that my super-fun friend Sara is staying with me three nights a week for the next four weeks as she completes some med school requirement in the area. On Saturday I had been thinking that I wish I had a best girlfriend in Chatty to just hang out with without agenda, and voila God answered my prayer (for at least the next month anyway:)

What's Wrong with the World?

I just read this on Tim Challies' blog, and it is so right on that I wanted to share it with you all.

"You know the oft-told story, I am sure. G.K. Chesterton, along with other prominent authors of his day, was asked by The Times to answer this question: 'What's Wrong with the World?' His answer was beautiful in its simplicity and brilliant in its profundity.

Dear Sirs,


I am.


Sincerely yours,


G. K. Chesterton"

p.s. I'm grateful that a relatively new friend sought me out today for lunch. I had thought about asking her but figured she was busy getting ready for the party and just didn't. We've spent a lot of time together in groups, but I connect best one-on-one so it was great to have that opportunity today.

This ALWAYS Happens....

So after working over eleven hours most days this week and working last weekend, guess what just happened?

Yep, I'm not a trial lawyer; I'm a settlement lawyer. Because every case I've ever worked has settled. We're canceling the plane tickets, hotels, experts, media team, and so on. All of the adrenaline has left my body, and I feel exhausted and disappointed. And while this is probably the best result because trials are very expensive and juries are so tricky, on a personal level, I hate that I don't get to see all of this hard work through and participate in a trial from start to finish. I wonder how many years I'll practice law before I get to do that.

On the bright side, I now don't have to work this weekend and get to attend the (literally) party of the year. We're burning at least 20 Christmas trees and having chili up on the mountain tomorrow night. I love fire. I also think I'm going to curl up and watch my new DVD of Dead Poets' Society that a friend sent me in the mail this week.

p.s. I'm grateful that there is pretty much always a bright side of some sort. Sometimes we don't see it for years, but it seems to always be there. I'm also grateful that giving up diet soda hasn't been that hard so far. I thought I would really miss the caffeine, but so far so good.

When It Rains, It Pours

So we're finally going to Austin for that trial that was continued at the last minute back in November. I leave really early Saturday morning for a week. Work is crazy, and I can't possibly do everything that has been asked of me. Yesterday I had so much adrenaline pumping through me as I rushed about that I could see my arm shaking above the keyboard. And while it feels overwhelming and a bit miserable, I'm really glad that I'm going to get to sit through an entire trial next week from beginning to end and see what all goes into such complex litigation. Plus it's going to be lots of hours, and I'm paid by the hour:)

In addition to work craziness, Oliver returned to Chatty last week, and within two days I realized something was up with him. He was calling me almost every day, but he didn't make any plans with me for the weekend. It was sort of like a 180 from where we'd left things before Christmas.

Long story short, we finally talked on Monday and for various reasons, he no longer wanted to date. I told him I was disappointed in the situation but so grateful and glad that he was telling me all of this. The conversation felt like such a relief. Knowing is so much easier to me than wondering. I left the conversation feeling so grateful for Oliver and who he is and is trying to be and so glad that Christ is my center and not this (or any) relationship. I also felt tremendously loved by my faithful, praying friends who check in with me and pray for me and send me really cool packages in the mail to be waiting at my door before a not-fun conversation. God is so faithful.

p.s. I'm grateful for TC's latest post and her wishes for me. I think that I may have to steal the fabulous idea.

I'm It...Now You're It

I'm not that good about responding to being tagged, but it's a lazy Sunday afternoon and I'm trying to distract myself a bit from thinking; so here it goes.

Amy tagged me, and I am suppose to share ten things about myself that are "pretty interesting" and then tag seven bloggers to share their ten things.

1. I learned to read upside down and write with my toes in gifted class in elementary school. I subsequently told my mother that I thought gifted class was pointless and that I wanted out; she didn't agree. Back in the day, they thought your IQ changed and retested students every three or so years to see if they were still gifted. Guess whose IQ dropped below gifted range?

2. I struggle with binge eating. I can eat crazy amounts of sweets in one sitting and have a very hard time stopping once I start (I usually stop when it's all gone). I can't keep sweets in my home and at times have even avoided keeping brown sugar around (b/c I'll eat it out of the bag). It's definitely frustrating to have pretty much no willpower when it comes to this. I feel powerless.

3. I love music but because I put songs on repeat and fixate on songs for so long, there's tons of old (and current) music I am only recently learning about (thanks Pandora!) like Damien Rice, Augustana (only two good songs so far), Aqualung, and Iron & Wine. I can seriously just listen to about five songs a month and be fine. When I like it, I really really like it.

4. About 3 and a 1/2 years ago I gave up a sin that I had held on for my first few years as a Christian--and God really got a hold of me; I've changed more in these last few years than I had in all of the years before. It's been incredible and such a blessing. I had no idea how broken and lost I was--or how sweet, peaceful, and joy-filled life could be. I wasn't miserable before and life isn't a bed of roses 24/7 now, but I am so very grateful that the Lord pursued me so faithfully and that I know him so much better now--and that I'm experiencing true freedom.

5. I now use Christian jargon that would have probably made me roll my eyes ten years ago....phrases and words like "quiet time," "accountability," "witness," "time in the Word," "spiritual warfare," "the enemy," and so on. I'm almost to the point that it doesn't make me uncomfortable from time to time.

6. Taboo, Scattegories, and Catch Phrase totally get my heart rate up and raise my blood pressure. I can just feel it. I love those games. And my team dominated last night in Taboo--49 to the boys' 29.

7. My ears don't product much wax, if any, if my Q-tip is a good indicator, but I think it's cool that some people get all sort of gross gook out of their ears.

8. I've only read the Bible through once, but I'm doing it again this year with a One Year Bible.

9. I just discovered the deliciousness of black beans last year.

10. My step-sister and I have the same first name, middle name, and birthday.

So now I'm suppose to tag seven people, and since I'm not a stickler, feel free to disregard my tag. The following blogs are now tagged: Cadleized, Jennsational, Traveling Chica, Ys, Happyascanb (although I know you just did a meme so feel free to skip:), Still Just Me, and that's enough!

p.s. I'm grateful for prayer--the power of praying, the gift of my friends' and Jesus' prayers for me, and the fact that my Lord is always listening.

Something for Nothing? (Resolution Time)

When I was in Costa Rica during the summer of 2004 I discovered that its versions of Coke and Diet Coke were equally watery tasting, so in order to get my daily caffeine fix I made the switch to Diet Coke. When I returned to Georgia I continued drinking Diet Coke (spiked with grenadine at first), figuring it was as good a time as any to eliminate the empty calories I consumed from Coca-Cola and not contemplating what the cost might be--or even if there was one. Since then I've moved on to Diet Coke with Lime, Cherry Coca Cola Zero, Diet Dr. Pepper, and so on, and it's seemed like a win-win proposition. I still get my soda but consume no calories.

My sister received a book named Skinny Bitch for Christmas this year, and I ended up skimming it last week. While the book resorts to gratuitous and offensive profanity, it definitely gave me a lot to think about, including my consumption of aspartame, Splenda, and other artificial sweeteners. So I've been digging around some on the internet, and I've been pretty disturbed by what I've found--particularly about aspartame.

Granted it doesn't take a genius to realize that ingesting sodas and other items containing these sweeteners (which is in a LOT of foods/gum/etc.) isn't the ideal and most healthy choice, but I had no idea how many adverse reactions and health problems are associated with the consumption of these sweeteners. Several of the side effects are things I "suffer" from, and I can't help but wonder if they'd go away if I ceased consuming it. And while I've previously read enough to know that the Food and Drug Administration is often corrupt as a result of the strong influence of lobbyists and legislators who are influenced by donors/lobbyists/and others and thus doesn't always (or perhaps ever) have our best interests at heart, I guess I hadn't given much thought to how the FDA's lack of ethical regulation might be affecting me. I hate that we can't trust that something approved by the FDA is safe--whatever that means.

So as I prepare to make some resolutions for the new year, I think ditching soda for at least a month or two may top the list; it'll be a pain, particularly since I enjoy fountain soda (with lots of lemons) so much, but I figure a month will give me a chance to see if I feel better without it. And before you tell me it's stupid to make New Years' resolutions, note that I make resolutions mid-year, monthly, and any time I want. I like resolving and setting goals and try to live at least a semi-self-examined sort of life. And with regard to my diet, I'm disappointed with how thoroughly I've accepted the way our culture eats. I've just been too lazy and complacent to do very much about it. Maybe this will be a step in the right direction because for me it's all about baby steps.

p.s. I'm grateful for fun, low-key NYE plans. We're having a progressive sort of evening with appetizers at a nearby house, dessert in the loft down the hall from me, and drinks (and hopefully fireworks which we can see from my place) at my place. No dressing up, crowds, tickets to an event with cheap liquor, lines at a bar, and hopefully no drama.

Hope

Warning...you may cry, but if you need a reminder of the creative ways that we can love others check out this article about how a football team loved another team made up of inmates. Sometimes people just need to be reminded that they are somebody important.

HT: Prodigal Jon

Merry Christmas to Me

My firm had its Christmas dinner two weeks ago, and I was surprised (since I'm an independent contractor) and grateful to receive a generous bonus. After some thought I decided to use a little less than half of it to buy 12 sessions with a personal trainer. I've wanted to workout with a trainer for years but could never justify the splurge, so this bonus made me feel a little better about spending the money. Plus I'm not familiar with a lot of the machines in my new gym and want to learn, and since I returned to lawyer land I've gained about 7 pounds. I guess sitting on my butt all day in an office where people routinely bring in homemade cheesecake, pies, and whatnot is not conducive to healthy living. I've tried to make some changes and already do a lot of the practical things--like moving around a lot, taking the stairs, eating 5 times a day, and all of that--plus I work out consistently. So I figured it was time to switch things up, learn some new exercises, and have some push me harder than I push myself (and help keep me accountable with my eating choices which is my biggest struggle). I had my second session today, and it went well; although the trainer is going to have to step it up to really push me, which I think he realized. I think he's used to working out with people who don't already exercise fairly strenuously.

This isn't exactly the best time to be losing weight given all of the holiday goodies, but if I don't get a handle on this now I'm going to have to buy new clothes in another 5 pounds--which I refuse to do. I already can't cutely wear my favorite jeans :(

In related news, I love growing older. My life gets better with each year as I gain wisdom, understanding, patience, and understand/more fully accept Christ's love and grace. I feel like my life is much more joy-filled and drama-free. BUT I don't like this having to think about weight and eating and whatnot. Darn metabolism! I guess there are always tradeoffs....

In other news, Oliver and I had a "talk" on Saturday; I'll share the details later. I'll see him tomorrow for lunch before he flies home, so I'll let you know what I end up doing re: the gift. Thanks so much for all of your input. I love reading your thougths.

p.s. I'm grateful for a relaxed day. I decided not to work after all and enjoyed a leisurely lunch, stroll through some stores, and workout (I also made the mistake of going in the general vicinity of the mall and will NEVER put my shopping off to the week of Christmas again...miserable.)

Dating Advice Please

Ok to recap....Oliver and I have been friends since August, have been on a couple of dates, and usually chat during the week at least once or twice. We're definitely not in a relationship but moved beyond friendship right about Thanksgiving.

Last week our mutual friend asked me if I was getting him a gift. It hadn't even occured to me to do so, but once she mentioned it I start thinking about it. I wish he had a big sweet tooth, and I could just make something nice like Lib's tiramisu; but alas he's not into sweets. So....(1) Do you think I should get him a gift? I think it'd be awkward to give him a gift if he's not gotten one for me. So I'm tempted to get something, and then if he gives me a gift then I'll give it to him. That may seem sort of weird, but I think it's important for a girl to not act more interested in a guy than vice versa (which is one of the reasons I don't ask guys out usually).

(2) If I get him something, what should it be? He's really into music, but he also has more than 5,000 songs, so I can't exactly go get a CD for him and avoid duplicating what he already has. He downloads illegally, which I've teased him about, so I could get him an itunes card. I sort of think that seems impersonal though. But a shirt or scarf or something like that seems generic and aren't things I could get excited about. He loves books and reading, but we've both talked about how our to-be-read stack of books is out of control. And he already has a mullet wig...so I'm fresh out of ideas. So share yours!

Oh, one thought....he has a quote from Walden on his Facebook wall, but he's never read Walden (which is one of my favorite books). So despite his stack of books to be read, I wonder if that might be a good idea, especially since we've been trading back Dead Poet's Society quotes for the last few weeks.

p.s. I'm grateful for the fact that I'm only working two days next week and get to hang out with my family in a really relaxed way.