Wednesday, September 20, 2006


As I was leaving the beach the other weekend, one of the guys told me the he would like to keep in touch and asked for my contact information. Since I wasn't interested in keeping in touch or anything else (not to be mean, but he just totally isn't my type even for friendship), I told him that he could get my e-mail address off of the group e-mail that our friend had sent (Hint #1--if a girl is interested, she'll give a guy her number). I thought that made my lack of interest clear. But he e-mails anyway. It was a nice short e-mail inquiring about one of my (indigent)criminal cases I had mentioned. I responded with a casual e-mail several days later (Hint #2--if a girl likes you, she'll respond within 24 hours especially if she has a desk job like mine). He then writes a really long e-mail, ending with a request for my phone number or for me to call him. Well again, I wait six days to respond (Hint #3) and completely ignore his request (Hint # 4), only briefly responding to his queries and not asking any questions(Hint #5). Here is part of the one page reply that I received:

"Call me or tell me to call you.... if you are interested in chating over the phone or meeting up sometime when you come to Atlanta. That is if you are not in a committed "dating" someone state..Seth or other guy from the office? Can't keep up :)) I'm interested & would enjoy getting to know you & email is not the best way to do that in my opinion. Phone or in person is more efficient.

I am a direct, honest, & up front communicator & I believe in efficiency..... especially regarding dating &/or my relationships with women & men. I prefer not to dance around with a lot of surface talk, etc....& get to the point. That doesn't mean that we don't get to know each other in a casual while having fun manner. I just prefer to expedite the initial stages to one on one dinner, lunch, phone, walk, hike, l..etc.

This is who I am and how I am built....Try me, ask me anything. :)

If you are not comfortable communicating this way, then that is cool, some can't deal with it.
A casual email every now & then when we have time is cool too, however I will digress my interests from the above to that unless you let me know different.

I don't subscribe to the 3 day waiting periods, the do's & don'ts...., "The Game" BS...whatever those books are called :)) & I'm not a mind reader or feelings barometer. Going with the flow is awesome, I just prefer a general direction of which direction the flow is going......" needless to say it's a really long e-mail!

Despite him missing all of what I thought were hints, I do appreciate his forthrightness. It all reminds me of how glad I am that I'm a woman and not a man because I would never put myself out there like this guys does (and with virtually no encouragement), and thus I'd never date or get married. Not sure exactly how I'm going to respond, but I think it'll be something along the line of only being interested in the "casual e-mail every now & then" option.

p.s. It feels completely amazing outside. This weather is perfect.


jordan said...

As you know from my blog, some people just don't get it! I thought "this is working, best of luck" was enough... and it was, for 6 weeks, then out of nowhere, bam! I'm absolutely (learning experience here) going to be 100% more direct from now on..

Anonymous said...

Allison, think about it. The characteristics you have looked for in a man thus far have not been all that greet. This fellow may be as interesting as he sounds. Of course, I will admit that if you ever went out to dinner with him he would construe that as a great breakthrough and may even bring the ring with him. Therefore perhaps you are right by nipping this in the bud. You may have to tell him "thanks, but no thanks'. Dr. RJJ

ella w. said...

I agree with Jordon. You might want to be more direct with this one since it seems like he doesn't quite get it (or doesn't seem to want to). But it's flattering!

Anonymous said...

Not to be rude to this guy or anything, but I find it hard to believe that any girl would find his approach appealing. It almost seems as if to him, dating is a business transaction.

I think it would be totally hilarious if you composed a rejection letter in full legal form. Even if you don't send it for real it would be fun to read. And I'm sure other women would use it.

By the way I think that all your hints were fairly clear. But it is helpful for a guy if you are a little more direct. If you are sure you are not interested you could just say. "Sorry, but I really have a lot on my plate right now." And if he persists, tell him that instead you can take his number.

icadle said...

Maybe he doesn't like playing games because he doesn't understand the rules.

Aaron said...

Or maybe you just need to Email him the link to this blog.

Ally said...

Now Aaron, there's an idea. I would, of course, never do that, and I'm being especially nice with this one since he's a friend of a friend.

Greenline: I'm with you on his approach. This kind of talk seems like it would at least come after a date or two--not after brief e-mail pleasantries. But one of the reasons that I didn't care for this guy is because he clearly speaks without thinking (and interrupts people) and rambles, so I guess this e-mail is just a reflection of his personality.

I'm definitely going to be direct, but I'm still putting off writing the response. I just don't like dealing with stuff like this!