Wednesday, September 27, 2006

So I Finally Responded...

to that weird e-mail from the guy from the beach trip. I wrote "I know what you mean about being upfront and direct, and I try to be both. You laid out several different 'options' in your e-mail, and I'm just interested in a casual, friendly e-mail every now and then."

He responded within an hour and in relevant part, stated "I appreciate & respect your reply to my 'options'...but, I have no interest in communicating with you anymore....I'm kidding :)) maybe I gotcha or you really didn't care :)....just a little humor to get back to having fun. most women would have not replied or shy away from my last email...kudos to you!!"

On other boy news, my friend Kate is quite distressed that the 24 year old hasn't called me yet. She's just ready for us to meet because she "has a good feeling about us." Her excitement is so sweet. So she asked him about it last week at work, and he's evidently very busy with training for some kind of event that requires working out three hours every other day. I find that kind of discipline attractive because I don't have it. So anyway, long story short, he admitted that he's intimidated by me because I'm older than him and an attorney (and he used to dating girls who aren't smarter than him--note: I think that's an unbased assumption since there are plenty of not-smart lawyers). Guess we'll see, but that's not the first time I've heard the "intimidation" bit.

My ex-bf Sampras (called such by some buddies of mine b/c he looks like Pete Sampras) is a super cocky (read: insecure) guy, but on our second date, he confessed that I really intimidated him. When I asked him why, he explained that I seemed really confident, not nervous, and smart. I think the girls he had dated before me were all in college and maybe flattered that he had asked them out. On a side note, I think it would be really cool to think so highly of a guy that I'm flattered he would ask me out.

Anyway, I had heard the intimidation line one other time, and my friend Angie said that several of her girlfriends have had similar experiences lately (she's in law school). Angie theorizes that we're in some social transitional period where more and more women have the same careers as men and/or even more education, so it's common for women to be more progressed in their careers than the guys they are dating.

And on that note, I'm crawling in bed at 10:30 thanks to the apple martini I enjoyed with a friend who just happened to be in town and called me last minute. I love surprises!


ella w. said...

Good call on the e-mail. Looks like he responded (somewhat) like an adult.

I also find that many guys are intimidated by me. Then there are the ones that see you as a challenge (usually bad news). On the flip side there are men out there who think of you as their equal. That's what I'm looking for - because this girl does not cook or clean.

Anonymous said...

Two blogs in one day__not allowed. You are taking up all the Space in Cyberspace. One demerit. Ridge

Anonymous said...

I honestly question that 'intimidation' line. I think if a guy really likes a girl I don't think he'd be intimidated by her. Maybe because I never felt intimidated by a woman. I don't know. I wonder if that's just a polite way of him feeling that he was talked down to.

Have you ever heard of someone meeting a celebrity or a millionaire and saying that they were so down to earth and so friendly. Their status would be intimidating but their personality relieves that.

But I guess it works on both ends. If a guy is used to easily impressing a girl and all of a sudden comes across one that he doesn't impress, that could be 'intimidating'.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and bravo on the email response by the way!

Aaron said...

Two points:

Consider that "intimidation" may be used here in a non-negative, non-threatening sense. If he's anxious and has a crush on you, then perhaps he does feel intimidated? I'm arrogant, but I'll never be so cocky that I wouldn't feel anxious (or "intimidated") by a highly educated, attractive woman in a respected career.

Alternatively, if he's had your number for a while and hasn't called you, you can probably write him off. A guy that's too busy to take an hour and call a girl is either gay or he needs to reprioritize his life. :D

kathrynthomas said...

well, ally, nice job on the email. i respect your honesty and directness.

as for the intimidation comment, i have the same problem. a female with a master's degree at age twenty-four/twenty-five is apparently also intimidating, something i have never understood.

i think a lot of guys (and this is based on the ones i've had conversations with on the topic) find that they lack that sort of drive or focus at the same age. then when presented with a female who does present such qualities, it makes him wonder why he hasn't achieved such goals. most guys (and people in general) don't want to think that much. enter the exit door.

i once had one ask me, ,"Is there nothing that you're not good at?" how do you answer that question?

i do, however, agree with your friend, aaron. granted the "intimidation" doesn't scare him away, i don't think it is necessarily a bad thing. in then end, it could perhaps be something that attracts him to you.

Ally said...

Ella: I agree about the guys who see us as a "challenge." That seems to result in a all-out effort until you agree not to date other people, and then the guy reverts make to his normal self b/c he's "got" you.

Ridge: I think there is infinity space in cyberspace.

greenlineboy: In the present case, this guy has never even met me, so I don't know. In general I think some guys are just more accustomed to quiet, shy girls. And maybe some people are just easily intimidated--but I'm with you and not ever really intimidated (except maybe judges and situations--like my first hearing, etc.).

Aaron: I agree with you on the intimidation issue, plus I'm just pretty scary in general:) As for the guy/number situation, the last guy (who was given my number--by my boss) waited a few weeks too. Who knows?

Kathryn: I agree with you and Aaron that it's not necessarily a bad thing. If I were ever to be intimidated by a guy, I think I'd like that--after all, the intimidation is just an initial impression that (I assume) would pass once you got to know the person. The guy who told me was intimidated by me said that the feeling mostly passed once he told me. As for the "Is there nothing you're good at?" question (which was likely a compliment so be flattered), you could always answer "Finding educated and successful men to date."

Happy it's almost Friday!!!

Aaron said...

I'm brushing up on the World Series of Poker I recorded, which got me thinking... If he truly is intimidated, so what? That means you've got the upper hand! And what woman doesn't want the upper hand? ;^)

kathrynthomas said...

i love it. i'll be using that line.