Ah, back to the real world of work (yes, I'm working some today). I was lucky enough to leave work on Wednesday at lunch, stopping for a delicious cinnamon raisin bagel with cinnamon raisin cream cheese at Goldbergs in Atlanta (which made the extra two hours of drive time as a result of road work/traffic easier to endure). Highlights of the long weekend include: leisurely time with my family, three warm pieces of pumpkin pie with whip cream, elmo-cising with my nieces, a four hour visit with my great aunt, and reading almost half of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe with my niece Alaina (I can't wait to see what happens--I've not "heard" this book since 3rd grade with Mrs. Grisham).
During the holiday weekend, I also caught up with Sam (who I wrote about two weeks ago). The girl ended up never calling Sam back, and he was pretty devastated about it. The day after he called her, his sister ran into the girl, who commented that she needed to call Sam back (so we know that she did indeed get Sam's voicemail message). A week passed, during which the girl was out of town for a few days, and then Sam's brother-in-law ran into the girl. She made no mention of Sam, which, of course, really bothered Sam. I told Sam that I thought he had gotten his answer--clearly the girl is not interested, and he should let it go and get on with his life. Sam said that he was going to call her again if he didn't hear from her within the next 24 hours. I asked him what his objective in calling her was since it was clear that she isn't interested. Sam responded that the girl "owes" him an explanation and official closure; he proceeded to leave her another message that night and has still not heard back. I told Sam that he was setting himself up for an awkward conversation and/or her avoiding his calls since there often isn't really a reason for not wanting to continue to see someone. Sure, I can usually articulate a few reasons, but often it's isn't that the other person isn't the right fit for me. And I see nothing productive in citing a guy's unusually small hands, wearing a scarf in October (in Georgia), incessant complaints about his back pain, or weird taste in movies, etc. None of these things would, in themselves, keep me from dating someone if I really liked the guy. So what's the point in sharing these "reasons" with someone?
I guess I agree that "best practice" in this case might be for the girl to give Sam a return call, explaining that while she's enjoyed getting to know Sam, she's not interested in dating any longer. Most guys seem to appreciate this approach the most, although the "football player" I went out with five or so times told me that he'd rather me just not return his calls than have that conversation. What do you guys think the better practice is? I went out with a lawyer once (although granted we'd hung out one night before our date, talked several times for an hour or so on the phone, and kissed) and didn't really enjoy the date very much. And then he called me the next day and asked me out for three different events, all of which I declined. He then called a few days later to ask me out for a Friday night, and again I declined, telling him I was hosting a dinner party that night. So he calls me again on that Friday night at 9:15. I thought that was weird and decided not to even call him back. A month or so later I ran into him in a bar, and he lashed into me, wanting to know why I'd never called him back. I was so taken aback that I was painfully honest, telling him that I thought it was strange that he didn't get the hint after I turned him down for four invites and that he called me on a Friday night when he knew I was hosting a party. Oddly I've seen him since then, and he's been pleasant.
Anyway, I told Sam I'd ask my blog friends if they thought she "owed" him a phone call back. His family and friends all (except me) encouraged him to make the second phone call (even though she hadn't returned his previous call) and think that she should at least call him back and explain what gives. Oh, and his sister is terminating her business relationship (no big deal kind of relationship) with the girl. This has all served as a reminder to me that I should be conscious of others' thoughts and feelings and that some people take a few dates much more seriously than I do.